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Thread: Smacking children

  1. #51

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unbelievable Jeff View Post
    One of my children is currently sat in his room, on his own, and will be for a lot of this morning, because he wouldn't come into the church to see my daughter sing in the Harvest Festival. However annoyed that has made me, I would never smack him for it.
    Waving a fist in his face would have got him to come pronto

  2. #52

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    Quote Originally Posted by shurlock View Post
    Waving a fist in his face would have got him to come pronto
    That's what I'm hearing from some people here...

  3. #53

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    I smacked my kids as children, and my parents did so to me. We learnt to respect what is right or wrong , and whilst fearful of getting the stick we certainly thought about our actions.
    Personally it seemed to work as my brothers and myself didnt cross the line and my daughters have grown up to be people Im proud of. I dont think they will smack their children as they are the new generation of thought and so it is good to see how the grand children develop as they grow older.
    I still recall vividly being the first child caned at Shirley Middle School by Mr Barratt the headmaster to this day. Was he right, probably not, I couldn't show the bruises on my hand to my father as he would have backed the school not me and so Id have had a punishment at home (not a smack) but he may have stopped me going to the Dell

  4. #54

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    Quote Originally Posted by OldNick View Post
    I smacked my kids as children, and my parents did so to me. We learnt to respect what is right or wrong , and whilst fearful of getting the stick we certainly thought about our actions.
    Personally it seemed to work as my brothers and myself didnt cross the line and my daughters have grown up to be people Im proud of. I dont think they will smack their children as they are the new generation of thought and so it is good to see how the grand children develop as they grow older.
    I still recall vividly being the first child caned at Shirley Middle School by Mr Barratt the headmaster to this day. Was he right, probably not, I couldn't show the bruises on my hand to my father as he would have backed the school not me and so Id have had a punishment at home (not a smack) but he may have stopped me going to the Dell
    I was probably the last generation to be caned at school in the early eighties. It was part of life but I would question how the teachers and the headmaster could beat somebody else's child. If a teacher hit my children today I would have to be restrained. I was caned for writing my name on the desk once and I could hardly deny it but I felt the fact that it rubbed off meant that I had been a victim to a miscarriage of justice. I pointed this out to my father and as you say, he just told me I deserved it.

  5. #55

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unbelievable Jeff View Post
    One of my children is currently sat in his room, on his own, and will be for a lot of this morning, because he wouldn't come into the church to see my daughter sing in the Harvest Festival. However annoyed that has made me, I would never smack him for it.
    Exactly the hours of mental torture and the anguish of solitary confinement is far more effective than a quick slap. Did you add sensory deprivation by taking away his iPad/ X-box/ mobile phone as well?


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    Quote Originally Posted by egg View Post
    If someone would deal with a situation in life with another adult or the child of another without a hit/smack/slap, I need to understand on what basis they would feel the need hit/smack/slap their own child and why they would feel that necessary or justified.
    If someone is being a c*nt and refuses to stop no matter what you say or do, you can wash your hands of that person and walk away.

    If your child is being a c*nt and refuses to stop no matter what you say or do, that's not an option.

  7. #57

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint_clark View Post
    If someone is being a c*nt and refuses to stop no matter what you say or do, you can wash your hands of that person and walk away.

    If your child is being a c*nt and refuses to stop no matter what you say or do, that's not an option.
    I struggle to understand an adult who would hit a child for annoying them. I've managed to discipline annoying kids for years in the classroom without hitting any of them. I've brought up my kids to know right from wrong without ever needing to hit them to teach them better.
    If you hit your kids, that's your choice, but don't fool yourself that it was the only choice or that they understand better if you hit them. Evidence across many countries shows you didn't need to. You just liked doing it that way better, for whatever reason.

    I was hit with a wooden paddle at school. I was also smacked by my parents. I think it was a poor choice as I was an intelligent child who would have responded to other methods. I think my parents did it because their parents did it to them and it seemed the normal thing to do. My dad has seen me with my kids and how I communicate with them and he's said himself it's clearly better and more effective, but that he didn't really know much about parenting.

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    Quote Originally Posted by norwaysaint View Post
    I struggle to understand an adult who would hit a child for annoying them. I've managed to discipline annoying kids for years in the classroom without hitting any of them. I've brought up my kids to know right from wrong without ever needing to hit them to teach them better.
    If you hit your kids, that's your choice, but don't fool yourself that it was the only choice or that they understand better if you hit them. Evidence across many countries shows you didn't need to. You just liked doing it that way better, for whatever reason.

    I was hit with a wooden paddle at school. I was also smacked by my parents. I think it was a poor choice as I was an intelligent child who would have responded to other methods. I think my parents did it because their parents did it to them and it seemed the normal thing to do. My dad has seen me with my kids and how I communicate with them and he's said himself it's clearly better and more effective, but that he didn't really know much about parenting.
    I don't have kids, but you cannot seriously tell me that you don't believe that situations arise where they're still so young that they don't properly understand consequences to their actions and aren't able to use logic to reason that if they act like A they won't get B.

    Every child is different. Maybe a lot would respond to different techniques, but a lot also wouldn't and there is my point - it should be up the to the parent of the child to decide what is necessary. At no point have I said it should be the first port of call, it absolutely should be the last resort.

  9. #59

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint_clark View Post
    I don't have kids, but you cannot seriously tell me that you don't believe that situations arise where they're still so young that they don't properly understand consequences to their actions and aren't able to use logic to reason that if they act like A they won't get B.

    Every child is different. Maybe a lot would respond to different techniques, but a lot also wouldn't and there is my point - it should be up the to the parent of the child to decide what is necessary. At no point have I said it should be the first port of call, it absolutely should be the last resort.
    There was never a point in the whole upbringing of any of my kids where I can imagine hitting them would have been a sensible option to teach them anything. As mentioned, it's been illegal here since the eighties and as far as I can see, that hasn't led to a couple of generations not knowing right from wrong. It seems good parenting turned out to be perfectly possible without anyone needing to hit anyone. This isn't theoretical, or a new idea, it's been going on successfully for years already. The argument that some children need to be hit to learn effectively just doesn't hold water.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sergei Gotsmanov View Post
    If you are debating smacking then I would suggest that defining smacking is the starting point to any discussion would you not think? The important element to be aligned on is that you want the best for your children.
    I don't think there should be any corrective actions used against children that would cause them physical pain when there are other actions available that can achieve the same thing.

  11. #61

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    Quote Originally Posted by hypochondriac View Post
    I don't think there should be any corrective actions used against children that would cause them physical pain when there are other actions available that can achieve the same thing.
    I salute your clearly defined parameters but I wont judge you or tell you what I think is the right or wrong way to bring up your children. That after all is your decision.

  12. #62

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    Quote Originally Posted by doddisalegend View Post
    Exactly the hours of mental torture and the anguish of solitary confinement is far more effective than a quick slap. Did you add sensory deprivation by taking away his iPad/ X-box/ mobile phone as well?


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    He's was sat in his room looking at books - it's a timeout to stop his tantrum. And yeah, when he's 2 and a half I think that's better than giving him a slap as slapping can be such an imitated action.

  13. #63

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint_clark View Post
    I don't have kids, but you cannot seriously tell me that you don't believe that situations arise where they're still so young that they don't properly understand consequences to their actions and aren't able to use logic to reason that if they act like A they won't get B.
    If my 6 month old kitten can understand this then I would think a child can.

  14. #64

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint_clark View Post
    If someone is being a c*nt and refuses to stop no matter what you say or do, you can wash your hands of that person and walk away.

    If your child is being a c*nt and refuses to stop no matter what you say or do, that's not an option.
    If I interpret you correctly, are you are saying that as a result of a parents inability to reasonably communicate with or calm with his/her child, that it is acceptable for the adult to then strike the child?

    Of course an adult can walk away from a difficult situation and doing so often takes the heat out of a situation very quickly. Your statement is ridiculous.

  15. #65

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint_clark View Post
    If someone is being a c*nt and refuses to stop no matter what you say or do, you can wash your hands of that person and walk away.

    If your child is being a c*nt and refuses to stop no matter what you say or do, that's not an option.
    Unless a child has severe mental health problems, I don't believe there is a situation where a child is being a "c*nt no matter what you say or do." I have extensive childcare and behaviour management experience and I haven't encountered a situation that would require smacking as a corrective measure.

    I don't intend this to come accross as an insult, but it does seem like you don't have a ton of experience in that area which is why I said originally on this thread that education was a lot more important than punishment.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint_clark View Post
    I don't have kids, but you cannot seriously tell me that you don't believe that situations arise where they're still so young that they don't properly understand consequences to their actions and aren't able to use logic to reason that if they act like A they won't get B.

    Every child is different. Maybe a lot would respond to different techniques, but a lot also wouldn't and there is my point - it should be up the to the parent of the child to decide what is necessary. At no point have I said it should be the first port of call, it absolutely should be the last resort.
    How do we know that the parent always knows what is best for their children? What about parents who overfeed their children? Or overly protective parents who never let their children leave their sight? We don't just ignore those behaviours, we educate the parents about why that behaviour is going to have more of a detrimental effect on the wellbeing of their children than alternatives.

    One particular mother comes to mind who was raised in care and as a consequence did not possess the necessary skills to love her children properly without guidance. She certainly didn't know what was best for her child and whilst this is an extreme example, I could give you hundreds of times where parents clearly aren't doing the best things for their children.
    Last edited by hypochondriac; 04-10-2019 at 04:57 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hypochondriac View Post
    I don't intend this to come accross as an insult, but it does seem like you don't have a ton of experience in that area which is why I said originally on this thread that education was a lot more important than punishment.
    Absolutely I don't, which is why I would never judge a parent for disciplining their child with a smack. Anything above the light, glancing blow that intends to leave a stinging sensation for a few seconds and I obviously don't approve though.

    Quote Originally Posted by hypochondriac View Post
    How do we know that the parent always knows what is best for their children? What about parents who overfeed their children? Or overly protective parents who never let their children leave their sight? We don't just ignore those behaviours, we educate the parents about why that behaviour is going to have more of a detrimental effect on the wellbeing of their children than alternatives.

    One particular mother comes to mind who was raised in care and as a consequence did not possess the necessary skills to love her children properly without guidance. She certainly didn't know what was best for her child and whilst this is an extreme example, I could give you hundreds of times where parents clearly aren't doing the best things for their children.
    I'm aware there are bad parents out there, but a bad parent who has spent 6 years with a child knows that childs behaviour and how it will respond to certain actions better than someone who comes in with a clipboard to judge their parenting skills for an hour.

    At the end of the day i'm not saying smacking kids should be the default punishment. But we've all been around kids out in town, in restaurants, on public transport etc...and from what i've seen I can absolutely see their being situations where children aren't going to respond to caring/negotiating tactics.
    I've also heard many, many stories from friends and colleagues about their kids where they've reprimanded them for bad behaviour and explained to them the potential consquences and the kids have just carried on anyway as they aren't able to think so far ahead as to fully consider those consequences.

    I guess my issue is more that i'm uncomfortable with the government dictacting too much of how a parent can raise their child. Hate speech is now a criminal offence (despite it being very vague in what constitutes hate speech), how long before parents are told they can't use harsh language with their child?

  18. #68

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    I experienced corporal punishment at school a couple of times and was smacked by my parents a few times. Far from teaching me a lesson it just made me feel resentful. I have 3 kids of my own who I never smacked and they have grown up ok. I also had a step daughter with behaving problems who was a nightmare to deal with. I tried all the tried and tested methods of dealing with her poor behaviour but made little headway. I didn’t resort to smacking her and I doubt that it would have made any difference if I had smacked her. She is now approaching 30 and still behaves like a spoiled, entitled brat, but that is narcissism for you. Physical violence against children in order to try and change poor behaviour is never a good idea. The problem is that parents are rarely trained in ways of handling poor behaviour, so will often smack their child out of frustration. Perhaps there should be post natal classes to teach new parents ways of dealing with poor behaviour without inflicting pain?

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    Quote Originally Posted by sadoldgit View Post
    The problem is that parents are rarely trained in ways of handling poor behaviour, so will often smack their child out of frustration. Perhaps there should be post natal classes to teach new parents ways of dealing with poor behaviour without inflicting pain?
    Parents aren't trained in anything. When my son was born I was quite daunted about what lay ahead. You get advice but the only way that you really learn is by doing it.

    I suppose that we think back to what our parents did but times and society change and it can be quite a challenge. We had some help in that Mrs ecuk268 was an infant teacher so was used to handling small children and was quite good at coping with any behavioral problems. So we muddled through and he turned out fine, but there were a few worries along the way and we never even thought about smacking him..

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    Quote Originally Posted by sadoldgit View Post
    The problem is that parents are rarely trained in ways of handling poor behaviour, so will often smack their child out of frustration. Perhaps there should be post natal classes to teach new parents ways of dealing with poor behaviour without inflicting pain?
    Parents aren't trained in anything. When my son was born I was quite daunted about what lay ahead. You get advice but the only way that you really learn is by doing it.

    I suppose that we think back to what our parents did but times and society change and it can be quite a challenge. We had some help in that Mrs ecuk268 was an infant teacher so was used to handling small children and was quite good at coping with any behavioral problems. So we muddled through and he turned out fine, but there were a few worries along the way and we never even thought about smacking him..

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    Quote Originally Posted by sadoldgit View Post
    I experienced corporal punishment at school a couple of times and was smacked by my parents a few times. Far from teaching me a lesson it just made me feel resentful. I have 3 kids of my own who I never smacked and they have grown up ok. I also had a step daughter with behaving problems who was a nightmare to deal with. I tried all the tried and tested methods of dealing with her poor behaviour but made little headway. I didn’t resort to smacking her and I doubt that it would have made any difference if I had smacked her. She is now approaching 30 and still behaves like a spoiled, entitled brat, but that is narcissism for you. Physical violence against children in order to try and change poor behaviour is never a good idea. The problem is that parents are rarely trained in ways of handling poor behaviour, so will often smack their child out of frustration. Perhaps there should be post natal classes to teach new parents ways of dealing with poor behaviour without inflicting pain?
    wait it your corporal punishment that lead you to sympathise with violent men?
    Last edited by Batman; 05-10-2019 at 01:08 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saint_clark View Post
    Absolutely I don't, which is why I would never judge a parent for disciplining their child with a smack. Anything above the light, glancing blow that intends to leave a stinging sensation for a few seconds and I obviously don't approve though.



    I'm aware there are bad parents out there, but a bad parent who has spent 6 years with a child knows that childs behaviour and how it will respond to certain actions better than someone who comes in with a clipboard to judge their parenting skills for an hour.

    At the end of the day i'm not saying smacking kids should be the default punishment. But we've all been around kids out in town, in restaurants, on public transport etc...and from what i've seen I can absolutely see their being situations where children aren't going to respond to caring/negotiating tactics.
    I've also heard many, many stories from friends and colleagues about their kids where they've reprimanded them for bad behaviour and explained to them the potential consquences and the kids have just carried on anyway as they aren't able to think so far ahead as to fully consider those consequences.

    I guess my issue is more that i'm uncomfortable with the government dictacting too much of how a parent can raise their child. Hate speech is now a criminal offence (despite it being very vague in what constitutes hate speech), how long before parents are told they can't use harsh language with their child?
    Well I agree with your last paragraph. I think it's difficult as I don't like government interference in our lives either. I do think with the children you mention that in almost every case their poor behaviour is as a result of poor parenting or as a result of a mental health condition. In neither case should smacking be used for those scenarios, that's not to say that you can't still be firm and discipline children and I would consider myself to pretty knowledgeable on this subject.

  23. #73

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    Quote Originally Posted by sadoldgit View Post
    I experienced corporal punishment at school a couple of times and was smacked by my parents a few times. Far from teaching me a lesson it just made me feel resentful. I have 3 kids of my own who I never smacked and they have grown up ok. I also had a step daughter with behaving problems who was a nightmare to deal with. I tried all the tried and tested methods of dealing with her poor behaviour but made little headway. I didnít resort to smacking her and I doubt that it would have made any difference if I had smacked her. She is now approaching 30 and still behaves like a spoiled, entitled brat, but that is narcissism for you. Physical violence against children in order to try and change poor behaviour is never a good idea. The problem is that parents are rarely trained in ways of handling poor behaviour, so will often smack their child out of frustration. Perhaps there should be post natal classes to teach new parents ways of dealing with poor behaviour without inflicting pain?
    Blimey I agree with soggy about something. Momentous day.

  24. #74

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    Quote Originally Posted by ecuk268 View Post
    Parents aren't trained in anything. When my son was born I was quite daunted about what lay ahead. You get advice but the only way that you really learn is by doing it.

    I suppose that we think back to what our parents did but times and society change and it can be quite a challenge. We had some help in that Mrs ecuk268 was an infant teacher so was used to handling small children and was quite good at coping with any behavioral problems. So we muddled through and he turned out fine, but there were a few worries along the way and we never even thought about smacking him..
    Yep and I'm very conscious of that which is why I think criminalising this is a bad idea. I was fortunate when my little one was born to have a family with decades of childcare experience between them but even with that it's daunting when you start. Nothing prepares you for those first few days at home with a newborn.

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    Don't have kids. If I did I'd like to think there are better ways of disciplining them but I'm not judgmental of people who do. Every child and parent is different and there are probably a few little brats who need a short, sharp shock.

    More importantly, the thread title would make a great band name.

  26. #76

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    Quote Originally Posted by Batman View Post
    wait it your corporal punishment that lead you to sympathise with violent men?
    Where have I sympathised with violent men?

  27. #77

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    Quote Originally Posted by Batman View Post
    wait it your corporal punishment that lead you to sympathise with violent men?
    Don't be lame. This is the lounge, if you want to carry on your tit for tat bickering and sneering with each other, do it by pm and spare the rest of us. It adds nothing here.

  28. #78

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sergei Gotsmanov View Post
    You bring your children up how you want and I have brought mine up how I think is right but I think you should tread very carefully harnessing the state to legislate in a one size fits all way. It is an important right to raise your children how you think fit.
    And within the law, surely?

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    If I want to beat my daughter, I'll bloody well beat her!

    At Monopoly. When she's old enough.

    My daughter is 16 months old but I try to teach her discipline using words like No, which I tried to drum into her from a very early age as a word when she was doing something she shouldn't (and which she now understands, although conversely she still does naughty things, she just smiles at me as she does them because she knows they're naughty...) and displacement, where we move her to a different place or to a toy (for example if she's hijacked my iPad AGAIN) so she realises what she's doing is wrong. My daughter is the greatest gift I've ever received, I can't see why people would want to smack their kids. (And this is coming from a man with a natural temper, just one I'm fully in control of around other people. Inanimate objects occasionally feel my wrath.)

  30. Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OldNick View Post
    I smacked my kids as children, and my parents did so to me. We learnt to respect what is right or wrong , and whilst fearful of getting the stick we certainly thought about our actions.
    Personally it seemed to work as my brothers and myself didnt cross the line and my daughters have grown up to be people Im proud of. I dont think they will smack their children as they are the new generation of thought and so it is good to see how the grand children develop as they grow older.
    I still recall vividly being the first child caned at Shirley Middle School by Mr Barratt the headmaster to this day. Was he right, probably not, I couldn't show the bruises on my hand to my father as he would have backed the school not me and so Id have had a punishment at home (not a smack) but he may have stopped me going to the Dell
    I can tell we're the same age, Nick. I would say the same as you. Including the caning at school. We used to have what were called Form Orders, basically a ranking of monthly scores. The bottom 3 each month were sent to the Headmaster every month for the cane. I always tried my hardest because I didn't want the cane. Like you, I didn't tell my parents because they would have backed the school. I have no recollection of smacking my children, and I would never smack my granddaughter. It's not my place.
    Last edited by the saint in winchester; 09-10-2019 at 01:14 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by the saint in winchester View Post
    I can tell we're the same age, Nick. I would say the same as you. Including the caning at school. We used to have what were called Form Orders, basically a ranking of monthly scores. The bottom 3 each month were sent to the Headmaster every month for the cane. I always tried my hardest because I didn't want the cane. Like you, I didn't tell my parents because they would have backed the school. I have no recollection of smacking my children, and I would never smack my granddaughter. It's not my place.
    60 in November, depressing but the alternative is worse. I would never think of smacking my grandchildren and would protect them to the end. I can understand why smacking is now frowned upon, although a light tap to show what is right or wrong may do some good. I must say I would love to do a running kick to these people glueing themselves to roads buildings etc. It may be best to leave them glued and with a bit of luck they will get hypothermia overnight lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by OldNick View Post
    60 in November, depressing but the alternative is worse. I would never think of smacking my grandchildren and would protect them to the end. I can understand why smacking is now frowned upon, although a light tap to show what is right or wrong may do some good. I must say I would love to do a running kick to these people glueing themselves to roads buildings etc. It may be best to leave them glued and with a bit of luck they will get hypothermia overnight lol
    LOL, wouldn't have happened in our time, eh.

    We wouldn't have had this situation either : the Boss Baby types. Parents scared of their own children's behaviour, giving in to them either for fear of being hit themselves, or for what their young'un would do in public.
    https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/41...kids-tantrums/

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