Patrick Bateman

Fleet. Last train 11pm.

... an after dinner speaker, free programme and a padded seat?

Turkish, how are you? We've not seen you for a few matches, are you okay? I was wondering do you want to buy hospitality?

Yes, I had a call trying to sell me hospitality. It's a normal sales call, but it does seem a bit odd for a football club to be making outbound sales calls ...

He'd make a great assistant manager to Hassenhüttl with his speed of thought.

Or even take a healthy lunch on the train - no need to drive. Train + eat ... economise on time.

This. "FFS, It's 2:55pm, let's stuff as much cholesterol and saturated fats down as we can, before we have to wait until 3:45pm to do it again"

Peas with an apostrophe. I think you're right, uni grad gimp in attempting to have a go at marketing, shocker.

It's complete madness. I can't believe anyone will be suckered in by that? OPPORTUNITY TO PURCHASE - that's still making me laugh this morning.

That survey was a joke, but obviously enough people answered it saying they'd spend more ... ?? Unless they only targeted a certain segment of the fanbase?

Who the f**k is going to purchase this? And open to away fans?? I give up. Southampton FC, you're screwing up. I'll leave this here; "Opportunity to purchase from American diner menu" OPPORTUNITY TO PURCHASE

Enjoy your vegan burger ...

What a joke this is. Football is dead. Overpaid, disconnected, disloyal players who think they're super stars with no grounding in reality. Can't celebrate a goal properly while they check VAR. Can't shout at the away team. So I expect half the stadium will be ejected today when Lovren/Van Dijk/Lallana show up. Can't be drunk?? WTF?? I shall enjoy watching the scores on ceefax then.

Good to see you're still weird, 11+ years on.

Good call!

Couldn't care less and fed up of having lower standard football rammed down our throats like it's top level. It isn't. Fair enough to those that enjoy it, but, not for me.

C*nt.

That is hilarious. What a heap of sh*t.

Weirdly I agree with this. The 'great escape' of 98/99 was a genuinely decent season in the second half - great days out. 'Delhurst' and the final match against Everton were superb. Can't believe it was 20 years ago though FFS.

I know you're not a naive bloke, but it's easy to think of two even bigger examples straight away who signed 5 year contracts and then left their clubs shortly after; Suarez and Countinho. In fact Suarez was "delighted to have secured a LONG TERM future with Liverpool" before leaving 6 months later. They're all helmets.

I wouldn't say no. He's still only 24, although it feels like he's been around forever - proven experience at this level, could get a couple of decent years out of him and still sell him at his prime for more than that. Definitely a Saints-style signing.

Trouble is, having been in those pubs you mention on a non-match day, they were completely dead. Not even students, let alone locals. People going to pubs now (not on a match day) expect food and non-stabby locals staring at them.

Not generous enough. 1000/1 would be worth a pound, but even then, I would be feeling that I'm giving the bookies £1.

Not in this league at this level. He is NOT Premier League standard.