SNSUN

Saints 5 Watford 0. The international break will be the best thing to ever happen to us as we fly up the table to promotion.

INS is really David Beckham in disguise, and Jilly wants to ride him.

That would add insult to injury!

No, but to this day my sister still has nightmares. Sometimes when it's late at night, I knock on her wall to freak her out.

If I'd said that to my dad, I'd have been put across his knee and beaten to within an inch of my life.

Well I was a mere child of about nine. It was over eager co ckiness. After that I became more inwardly and scared. In all truthfulness, I remember my first pint - It was Christmas 1988 and I was 8 years old. My dad put his Stella into a tankard I got for my Christening (why give a tankard to a baby - I was doomed from the start) and there is still video footage of me drinking said beer. My dad was a good parent. ;-)

Well in a similarly related story (in that it involved me being a prat), I did try to impress a girl whilst riding a bike, hit a kerb, and went over the bars and cracked my head. Combine the two.

Osama Bin Laden, live on national TV. With a can of petrol and a lit cigarette. I casually toss the fag into the cave which has been pre-laced with petrol, turn to the camera, and do a Fonzie thumbs up.

Don't fart in a Tube carriage. Chances are most people will feign ignorance, but there's always one nutter riding in every carriage that would smack your head in.

I once played kiss chase with a girl at primary school (though now I actually think she was ruuning in fear at being kissed by me) when I slipped on the grass and slip forward, digging my teeth into my knee and tasting flesh. Still got the scar. Does that count?

Her name is Jade. She tells me to burn things. She has magnificent wings.

It's a ghost. They exist. Just like aliens and the female orgasm.

I've heard this one before and I still don't get it.

I have a 20 foot long, 2 foot wide patio garden. So save for picking up a few leaves, I have none to do. Which is just the way I like it.

I lol'd.

Friday - Work followed by some chilling out. Saturday - 28th birthday. Work, then fell asleep in front of the TV. Proper Rock and Roll birthday celebrations! (They are actually this weekend...) Sunday - Work, then sleep, then meal with family, followed by openly criticising the present my mum got me, a lurid green dirty bean bag. Mum in tears, me driving home at full speed. Text her later to say I'll accept it if it's cleaned. I'm an ungrateful bastard. Rating - 3/10.

Doing shiftwork means it's bloody hard to keep up to date with the England goings on. I support England (being English obviously), but worry that if I get too involved I'll be disappointed when a tournament rolls around and I end up missing it. I am a Saints fan first and foremost, England only rises up the patrotism in me. I cheer when we score but display nothing but unconcern when we lose. I don't get wrapped up in the game as much as I do with my club. Would it be different if I was a Chelsea fan and had my teams players playing for England? Probably.

Meh. Stealing food is cheaper.

Repetition IMO Doc Martins.

Doctor of Music. I haven't got a clue what we're trying to achieve here.

At the start the commentator said "We'll be hearing the Kazahkstahn national anthem, but it won't be the one from the movie..."

I don't personally, as everything I had was handed down to my sister, but my missus still has a penguin called Noel that she received when she was about 10.

I think I'll plump for an old chestnut - Pwn3d!!!

Well not right now! I don't have teh Aids...