Crab Lungs

Sure, so it was a 'lie' - fabricating your **** attendances for what underhand purposes?

You'd think with the number of illegitimate feral youths prowling the streets round that way they'd be able to fill the stadium. 6,000 for a Portsmouth home game?!?!?? Never! Portsmuff are the biggest club in the south coast, I know because Corp Ho told me. Portsmuff are the richest club on the south coast, I know this because Corp Ho told me. So come on then you fish fiddlers, what excuses are you going to come up with for such a poor attendance?

Damn, good luck... had terrible experiences with Curry's in the past - after you've bought from them whatever happens afterwards with the product they couldn't give a flying one.

Awesome, got that too look forward to. Might watch Bruno again to put me in the frame of mind (seriously, I love that film... outrageously, errr, outrageous.)

I remember Reading in 05/06 and their ballboys were literally trained to aid the team.... maybe we should actually train ours to do the same?

this much is true. actually, edit that... 'violent' sexual predator sounds better.

I wonder how you'd categorize me, UP. cyber life - ******? real life - ******? perhaps?

Keep dreaming, fish fiddler.

Hahahaha it;s coming lads!!!

Gah, 316-5. I was no-no-no-no'ing at Strauss when he motioned for the new ball... Damn, if it ****es dowm tomorrow we're really in trouble...

Well that further proves my point. Haha, OK. Yes, of course you will. With Piquionne banging them in and Hart as your gaffer. Oh, and Ashikodi and Bopp proving their Premiership class, whilst you're cheered on by 15,000 fans.

Looks like I am going to have to re-iterate what alot of people have already said on here. Your first point: 1. Honours Errrr, not figuring what you are getting at here. Like people have already said before me, a brief spell of success from a period of history where barely anyone is still alive is nothing really you can regard as a 'plus point.' If we were having an argument about honours I'd say fair play, you're right but you've conveniently shifted the goalposts to suit your agenda. So, shall we get back on topic? Excellent. Honours - no-one cares except you. Portsmouth 0, Southampton 0 2. Attendances Once again, you've trawled the history books to prove that you, over time, have attracted on average just under a hundred more people every attendance. Erm, ok. Real winner you've got there...! Now shall we talk about recent years? The past four years we've had larger average attendances than you. For 3 of those years we've been one division below you. This year, we're two and I guarantee we'll still have a higher average this season. We may have a large section of fairweathers (you estimate 40%) but hey, at least we 'had' them... and they'd probably scuttle back and fill our ground upon our ascent back up the league ladder. You lot, well.... let's face it... you've lost this one, haven't you? You used to get gates of 6,000 not long ago. Portsmouth 0, Southampton 1 3. Debt Above, you've basically just guessed about the position of the two respective clubs. Not really conclusive evidence, is it? Portsmouth 0, Southampton 1 4. Income Nope, I'd give you that - but you've spun the question. Which clubs STILL RUNS at a loss and which club lives within its means? Oh..... Portsmouth 0, Southampton 2 5. League Status Yes, I'd give you that one. Still, you've probably only got 35 miserable games left and BANG (!), there goes your Prem money. Portsmouth 1, Southampton 2 6. Potential, present day Yes, it's Southampton again. Don't think I need to go into details again. FINAL SCORE: Portsmouth 1, Southampton 3 So, you don't have your own training ground, you don't have a new stadium, you're racked up to the eyeballs in debt and your squad has been decimated so badly that you have been trialling League Two players?? Further to this, you look likely to have your only lifeline cut in around 8 months time when you get relegated. Doesn't look good really, does it?

He's Canadian-Greek I think...

Oh God... the fact that before me at least 6 people have already responded to this question should give you an indication as to how wrong you are. Regardless, I'm going to have a go at explaining this to you in a vain attempt that you might just understand. Anyway... 1. STADIUM Yes, a 32,000 seater, state of the art facility with which to play football in (not much of that going on at the moment, admitidely). That's over 10,000 more than you can hold at your ramshackle home. The design of SMS allows it to be expanded furthermore should we need to at a later stage. Doubtful we'd need to any time soon - but the option is there. Oh, and did I mention that it's all paid for now? Have to say, we got off lightly with that but hey, what a place to own! SMS is a Premier League ground. Fratton Park is quite frankly, a rubbish tip. Southampton 1, Portsmouth 0 2. TRAINING GROUND We own a, yes, you've guessed it (!), state-of-the-art training ground and yes, that's right (!) - a state-of-the-art all weather training centre. Once again, the facilities mirror that of a top Premier League club's facilities and is arguably the envy of many clubs above us, including you lot. What do you have to show to your prospective buyers? Oh yeah, I remember now! A small field in Eastleigh. On top of this, how long is it going to take to build your new training ground, assuming (lol) you got the funding (lol) to do so? A couple of years at least methinks. So, therefore, I have to conclude that given Portsmouth football clubs previoius track record on delivering projects and turning plans into reality, you will be more than likely still have your first team training on school pitch on the outskirts of Southampton in 5 years time. Whoops! Southampton 2, Portsmouth 0 3. POTENTIAL Let's face it, you fishies have reached your summit and you'll soon be on you're way back down to arguably, where you belong. To assess this further.... Catchment Area Yes, you had a few glorious years in the top division which gave you some great exposure to our shared catchment areas, West Sussex and north Hampshire. However, the failure to actually do anything about it (especially in terms of delivering a new ground so you could fit a few more fish fiddlers in) will cost you dear undoubtedly. However, I'd doubt you'd need it as you lot can barely muster 15,000 of your own fans these days for a PREMIER LEAGUE GAME. But it's not just your potential fanbase which lacks in comparison to ours - its the potential of the two clubs. We have a new stadium, you don't, we have have a state of the art training ground, you don't, Southampton 3, Portsmouth 0 Academy It's hardly a busted flush when you realise it has been a vital source of income over the past few years. Just this close season we sold three (Surman, McGoldrick and Dyer) of our academy products for around £3m in total. Granted, we needed the cash at the time and whilst many would have preferred to keep ahold of our graduates at we can celebrate the fact that at least we had the option to buy ourselves some more time. Previous to this, do I need to mention Mills, Cranie, Best, Blackstock, Baird, Walcott, Bale… I suppose you could even throw Wayne Bridge and Kenwyne Jones into the mix too. Not to mention Brian Howard who we released mistakingly but deservedly made it as a professional and is now unarguably one of the best midfielders outside the Premier League. It’s too early to tell what the latest batch but I’m sure we’ll find out soon just how good Lallana, James, Paterson really are soon. So you’ve got erm, errrr…. Marc Wilson, erm, Gary O’Neil, errrrrrr….. James Keene out of your academy in recent years? Well done. The least I’d have expected from you lot is to have produced some top goalkeepers, especially as your region of the world is renowned for its webbed hands. Oh well. Southampton 4, Portsmouth 0 Debt-free We ****ed up in the past and got very, very lucky with our takeover and our new owner. We could have potentially fell into the wrong hands – a chancer or opportunist who might have just scraped enough money together to buy us than saddle us with more woe. However, Mr Liebherr and Nicola Cortese – two renowned businessmen I think you’d agree – saw us a viable investment and opportunity. I don’t think they are in it just for the money though, nor will they be loaning us whopping amounts of cash and then asking for it back. We’re rebuilding sensibly with the long-term goal to be self-sustainable and an eventual return to the Premier League. Being debt-free will enable us to use everything we’ve got left after expenditure and should we not be able to reach that extra few pounds, we have a billionaire owner who seems quite happy enough to do so. You have an apologetic-fatcat chief exec who is embarrassingly squirming now he and his friends have been found out to be spunking all the cash on a couple of glory years in the Premier League and is now pleading his innocence. You’ve an owner who wants his money back, a couple of banks who are asking for their cash back and running costs you cannot sustain. You have a prospective new owner who hasn’t got a pot to **** in and is the joke of the multi-million, no billion pound world in the UAE. Like Lawro said – you’ve found the only arab sheikh without any money (lol) The only owner you’ve had in recent years who truly understood and loved Portsmouth was Milan, who refused to walk away even though he continuously persisted in bankrolling you in the Championship and then the Premier League – all after saving you from almost disappearing down the ****ter. The rest you’ve had running or owning your club have used you as a meal ticket and a plaything. In all honesty, I actually feel a bit sorry for you now. Whatever happens, we’ve got an owner now who cares and who intends to run us sensibly and efficiently. As for yourselves, you are likely to attract another chancer who will have no problem with racking up more debt whilst Storrie snorts his way through your hard earned cash. In summary, if Portsmouth were a prostitute and I could find a comparitive situation - you'd be a self-destructive, mutton-dressed-as-lamb piece of skirt, crestfallen with a painful arse on dirty bed in a dirty hotel whilst Gaydamak, Storrie and Al Fahim **** over your face. Problem is, Gaydamaks taking his cash with him, Al Fahim's got not money to pay for you and Storrie's only got a fiver he nicked off someone else. You sold your soul the moment Harry 'who? its not my fault guv' Redknapp became your pimp. Southampton 5, Portsmouth 0 4. LEAGUE STATUS The only thing you have going for you is that you are in the Premier League – FOR ANOTHER 35 GAMES AT LEAST, and even as a USP that is fading with every turgid Portsmouth performance. And you've still got a training ground and stadium to pay for ... how are you ever going to do that? FINAL SCORE? Southampton 5, Portsmouth 1.

She's a complete rotter regardless. Just cannot see the big deal about her :S

Davenport in a serious condition, mother recovering. Get well Calum, I don't care what anyone else said about him, he looked a real prospect at Cov and I was gutted he didn't reproduce that form for us. Get Well CD...

None, shame we have no Pietersen as he is more than capable when called upon. Gag, Aussies 71-0 at the mo, looking very good - need Broad to do his thang with line and length..

Don't know why people can't see Aus getting 250 on this wicket, especially if they end up having 2 and a half days to nudge their way to victory... This is still finely balanced. They will be all but beaten if we can bat most of the day tomorrow and we maybe smack another 220-250 to our existing 59... We need to make sure we are completely out of reach, regardless of the wicket IMO. FWIW, Collingwood's dismissal was wrong wrong wrong... gah.... :-( C'mon England! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QB3Ts_6177I&feature=related

Oh jesus... Le Tissier.... if anyone actually knows or listens to the man, they would know how perceptive, intelligent and knowledgable he is. On top of this, he's a personable and fair guy... regardless of badges, this is a man who could effectively manage a football team and do it successfully. Maybe not necessarily coach or take them on pre-season marathons around the New Forest, but my word he's just got that 'thing' which all good managers have... he'd motivate you, he'd lead you... he could do it without a shadow of a doubt. Without a doubt.

Don't let them off the friggin hook now, England.... please... go right for the jugular.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malcolm_Christie He popped into my head a moment ago... a free agent.... just wondered... he can't be THAT bad these days, can he? Must have really let himself go since his injury... and whatever happened to Matt Jansen? Another mysteriously vanishing footballer...

We're still in with a shout, 330-350 might just be 'par' on this pitch - and the surface is deteriorating. Swann's performance with the ball could be pivotal. Hopefully Broad can come in tomorrow and smack it around a bit, then we can have a right go at the Aussies straight after. Think there is definitely going to be twists and turns quite literally in this deciding test...

I'm sure he was on the bench for Millwall :-o waaaaay too close to the Saints 1st team for my liking... !

OK OK, who the feck was on ten grand a week? What am I missing here? Davies? Pulis? Forecast? Whats going on!?!?! I smell something fishy... and this time, it's not coming from the contents of Paul Hart's dressing room..

I think this boy will shock a few of you. in a good way.