Dark Munster

You're right, P.O.S. It is absolutely shocking that we're playing in red this season, with only tiny white stipes. And as for his hand bags with Matty, well that is unforgivable. He truly makes the child maimer, Mad Milan, the ice cream doctor, Al Mirage, the Russian Laurel and Hardy, and Chinny look like choir boys. Sod off Nicola, and take your billions with you.

Phew, that's a relief. There was a nasty rumour going around that Saggy was being lined up to replace Nige. But now that he's at his spiritual home, his legendary loyalty means that there's no chance he'll dump them to come and relegate us a second time. Oh.

I remember most descriptions of Beattie when he first played for us included the words banjos and cows' arses. Look how he turned out. Hopefully the same with J-Rod.

10100

The US debt.

Yes indeed. But the game never ends, as everyone only pays 0.4p in the pound for rent.

Is he the one who kicked the ball or the one who let in it at the other end?

Please, let sleeping corpses lie.

Or until injuries/suspensions kick in. Whichever come first.

In fairness I'm sure Cheats FC will offer them a rolling monthly contract. At 5 shillings a week. Take it or leave it. If this is all true, and the poor sods have found themselves trapped at Krap Nottarf until January, I wouldn't expect them to put too much effort in when they are forced to play each week. If I were them I'd be tempted to put the ball in my own net, or get sent off early.

Can we please see that on youtube, DP?

So the DFCSBs think they have a loophole, and the players, who thought they were only tied down for a month, find themselves stuck at the cesspit until January? I wouldn't be surprised if the loophole also included not having to pay the poor sods either. I'm doing a trousers, and buggering off for a week. Hopefully I won't have to come back to catch up on 500 new pages. In honour of trousers, I will sign off with: ...

Here it is.

That sounds like a cunning plan. But he should charge rent at a sufficiently low rate to keep the rotten corpse alive just long enough until the last PP is due, and then quadruple it at that moment.

That would be appropriate: one page for each year of his age.

Has he f**king signed yet?

Agreed. Half the teams in this country have to go semi-profesional or amateur (and in the case of Cheats FC, pub level).

Those are eight words that I'd never thought would be strung together in the same sentence.

I liked Ron Greenwood. But yes, apart from him the rest have been crap.

I nominate you to right his autobiography.

I feel more pissed off about Swansea getting Michu and Ki Sung-Yeung.

MILAN, 20 (ANSA) - After a few days of tension in the pass was frozen, the Italian press today as he closes Pass imminent Uruguayan midfielder Gaston Ramirez from Bologna to Southampton English. The report points to the trip today made ​​president Bologna, Albano Guaraldi, to London, marking the Italian club's demands to finalize the transfer were "overcome." Bologna demand immediate payment in cash of at least half of the figure agreed with Southampton, which debuted yesterday in the Premier League with a 3-2 defeat against defending champions Manchester City. The pass, conditional on the agreement we have with Peñarol Bologna, which must transfer a sum for the operation, will be held at about 15 million euros, according to local press. Consequently, Southampton will pay between 8 and 10 million immediately and the rest in installments. Guaraldi will meet Oscar Betancourt, Ramirez's agent, to inform him personally that his endorsement of the operation, which ensures the Uruguayan player a contract for 10 million euros in four seasons in the Premier League.

Wayne Thomas?

And a LB.