The Ashes

[Tamesaint]

After all of the mud slinging the action starts tonight. What do people think will happen?

My predictions for what they are worth are :

England win the series 3 2.

Root silences his critics with a century. 

Steve Smith is no longer the dominant force with the bat. 

Cameron Greene is eventually dropped after failing once too often. 

Gus Atkinson proves to be England's best bowler. 

Come back in 7 weeks  time and have a good laugh at these. 

 

 

[Lighthouse]

My prediction, as with any Ashes down under, is waking up, looking at my phone and muttering, "oh c**t f**king c**t bags."

[CB Fry]

Oh c**t f**king c**t bags.

[Stripey McStripe Shirt]

11 hours ago, Lighthouse said:

My prediction, as with any Ashes down under, is waking up, looking at my phone and muttering, "oh c**t f**king c**t bags."

Nailed it.

[whelk]

11 hours ago, Lighthouse said:

My prediction, as with any Ashes down under, is waking up, looking at my phone and muttering, "oh c**t f**king c**t bags."

I woke up at 230 and been watching since - the same pain for the last 40 years, although some things have to be done to help form your character. Watching the England fans basking in the sun whilst it’s -2 degrees here and got to fuck off to work in a mo. 
Lovely new ground but wouldn’t want tickets for Day 5, or 4 by looks of it.

Edited November 21 by whelk

[LGTL]

Might be a 2 day test match if this carries on 

[Stripey McStripe Shirt]

2 hours ago, CB Fry said:

Oh c**t f**king c**t bags.

Should have had a lie in.

[trousers]

Marvelous!

[trousers]

Boom!

#bazballrulesok

[Lighthouse]

Crikey mucker, what a day this is turning into. 

[trousers]

Stokes 5 wickets! Get in

[badgerx16]

Just a normal first day at the Perth test. 19 wickets today, 17 wickets against India.last November.

[Stripey McStripe Shirt]

I've lived in Crawley for a few years and can confirm it's a shit hole.

I've also watched Crawley, and can confirm he's a shit cricketer.

[Lord Duckhunter]

Fucking ridiculous batting. FFS, I’m visiting my son, due to the shite weather in Sydney we’re in an ale house watching with a load of Aussies. Even they can’t believe we’re batting like this. Play properly FFS 

[Stripey McStripe Shirt]

Oh c**t f**king c**t bags.

[Stripey McStripe Shirt]

Aussies will win this by at least 8 wickets from here. Scandalous really after yesterday's lifeline.

[trousers]

#bazballshite

[badgerx16]

Will this be over today ?

[CB Fry]

1 hour ago, Stripey McStripe Shirt said:

Aussies will win this by at least 8 wickets from here. Scandalous really after yesterday's lifeline.

And at lunchtime today, 99 ahead with 9 in hand. Pathetic.

[badgerx16]

Game over.

4 hours and 38 minutes ago England were 65:1, and that time includes the tea interval.

 

Sports Republic out !

[bpsaint]

Well….that was an utter fucking embarrassment, god knows what the thinking was behind our attack in our second innings.

To think Australia started the day 49 runs behind, and have won the test by the end of the day, that’s crazy.

[Lord Duckhunter]

Fucking disgrace. 
 

You bat all day from there, grind it out. All this ridiculous Bazball means the bowlers have to go out and take 10 more Aussie wickets the next day. Why are they trying to reinvent the wheel. From 100 odd ahead with 9 wickets in hand you bat them out the game, leaving 2 results, draw or England win. I doubt we’ll win a test from here, unless we do our usual and win one once the series is lost. 

[whelk]

Still fuming about this. FFS nothing to watch on morning of Day3. Fucking joke how they couldn’t bat out the day. Arrogance about Stokes referring to ‘has beens’ - you could learn something from listening to them son. Used to pasting down under but we threw this away, and in a very embarrassing way. 

[Stripey McStripe Shirt]

Yep. I'd volunteered to my wife to do the baby early morning feeds for the next few days whilst she has a lie in, on the expectation that I'd have some cricket to watch. Now what's the point? I've come across as a semi-decent husband and father for absolutely sodding reason.

[badgerx16]

1 hour ago, Stripey McStripe Shirt said:

Yep. I'd volunteered to my wife to do the baby early morning feeds for the next few days whilst she has a lie in, on the expectation that I'd have some cricket to watch. Now what's the point? I've come across as a semi-decent husband and father for absolutely sodding reason.

There is always India v South Africa.

[Holmes_and_Watson]

On 23/11/2025 at 07:58, Stripey McStripe Shirt said:

Yep. I'd volunteered to my wife to do the baby early morning feeds for the next few days whilst she has a lie in, on the expectation that I'd have some cricket to watch. Now what's the point? I've come across as a semi-decent husband and father for absolutely sodding reason.

I woke up screaming from my usual existentialist nightmares. Why sit staring into the void, terrified of the futility and bleakness of it all? I can put the cricket commentary on...sod...

[Toadhall Saint]

Fucking bottle droppers the lot of em.

[Gloucester Saint]

I won’t lie, I’ve enjoyed watching the red ball cricket under McCullum and Stokes but that batting display was abysmal at Perth. I can’t see it improving at all under lights and pink ball at the Gabba. The knives will be out from the Barmy Army.

Second innings they lost key wickets to regulation deliveries with a touch of movement on 5th stump. It was the old Oval pitch in say May/early June. Root is Warner MK2, brilliant in his own conditions and in Asia, but iffy in Aus/SA. Can’t leave rising deliveries well outside off and it’s his 4 away Ashes tour….very good but not confidently world class.

Stokes gets a pass with his bowling but Brook’s shot selection is terrible in spite of immense talent. Duckett needs to learn to leave on the bounce like Root. At least give yourself 15-20 balls to look at the conditions lads…

Too much like Russell Martin - this is the way we play. Well you’re losing badly and their best two quicks and skipper are injured. Starc is brilliant but England never put miles in his legs. 

 

[whelk]

4am tomorrow, at least less effort for the inevitable pain

[Stripey McStripe Shirt]

Are all Australians this weird? Even British journalists would be a bit embarrassed by the line of questioning.

 

[Lighthouse]

 

[Gloucester Saint]

Recovery to 98-2 at lunch. Crawley playing well at last with a 50, Root lucky early on but still there at least. Duckett needs dropping if he can’t leave deliveries every so often and Pope bottled it with a chop on with a wide one. 

[Stripey McStripe Shirt]

Just switched on as Crawley got out. Looks like we're in a positive position to reach 170, possibly even 180 before being all out.

[Stripey McStripe Shirt]

Bloody hell Brook 🫣

[whelk]

Must say the TNT graphics for scorecard are spot on. Very clear and just what you want without not showing detail

[Stripey McStripe Shirt]

Nah, they need to make it more like the Hundred. Appeal to the kiddy-winks who want to watch before school.

[Stripey McStripe Shirt]

Roots going to finish on <100 not out isn't he 😭 

[badgerx16]

England on course for a record number of ducks in an Ashes series; 22 is the current record, so far this time around we have 8 in 2 and a half innings.

Edited 3 hours ago by badgerx16

[Lighthouse]

Rooooooooooooooooooooot!

[whelk]

How come so few overs in a day of Test match? Used to always be around 100 overs but not going to make 75 for this day one

[badgerx16]

6 minutes ago, whelk said:

How come so few overs in a day of Test match? Used to always be around 100 overs but not going to make 75 for this day one

Because there is no penalty for slow over rates that teams fear. Nominally 90 per day, but couldn't get close with no weather interruptions, and an extra half hour.

[Picard]

No side has yet lost a day night test having scored 300+ in the first innings.

[whelk]

If the Aussies lost Starc they’d be fucked. We seem to have the measure of the rest of their bowlers 

[badgerx16]

1 hour ago, whelk said:

If the Aussies lost Starc they’d be fucked. We seem to have the measure of the rest of their bowlers 

Cummins, Hazlewood, and Lyon missing from this test. With them it would be a bit different.