Bearsy Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Hi gays! I know I'm not sposed to start threads on main board but I'm gonna try and do some serious scouting articles this season! This one is about West Brom. I know it is bit early but i want to give Ponch maximum time to take advantage of these tactical details! Bearsy's Scouting Report: West Bromwich Albion See the bird? He's telling Chiles to STFU The Manager Nowhere are the ravages of Premier League management more perfectly illustrated than the mashed potato face of West Brom manager, Steve Clarke. Once a virile and handsome man, within 15 minutes of assuming responsibility for the conduct of Peter Odemwingie he became a hairless and slack-jowled gargoyle. I don't know if you've ever trodden in chewing gum, but on upturning a shoe the common reaction is, “Oh hi, Steve Clarke, you're looking unusually well today. I like what you've done with your hair.” Of all managerial opponents he will face this season, it is Pochettino that Steve Clarke fears most. Him and Michael Laudrup. The counterpoint of our leader's thick hair and baby-faced handsomeness came as a vicious surprise to Steve Clarke at St. Mary's last season, expecting as he was nothing more embarrassing than the bespectacled nerdiness of Nigel Adkins. West Brom may have won the match, but when Steve Clarke closes his eyes it is not Fortune's goal that he sees, it is the cherubic visage of Mauricio Pochettino. It mocks him. It is a reminder of what he has lost. Style of Play A change of tactics is required this season. The traditional hoof up to Lukaku is unlikely to prove effective, unless Clarke can find someone capable of hoofing the ball 127 miles to Stamford Bridge. Peter Odemwingie offered to take it down there personally but you know, that's not very practical. If West Brom were a TV show they'd be Take Me Out with Paddy McGuinness. If they were a movie they'd be anything with Sarah Jessica Parker. What I'm trying to say is that while no-one actually admits to liking them, someone must do or they wouldn't exist. One to watch NICHOLAS ANELKA One of the down sides of being an acquisitive football mercenary is that you can end up plying your trade in some of the world's biggest shit-holes. Check Anelka's body language in this photo, holding the team shirt with pinched fingers and an incredulous manner, like he's waiting for the punch line. “You want me to wear this? Srsly?” Here is a man that has climbed from a chauffeured Lexus to be faced by the slums of Sandwell. Possibly he has just experienced conversation with a Yam-yam. You wonder at the teams he turned down as less preferable than moving to West Brom. Gaza Strip Rovers? I shouldn't be at all surprised. This is Anelka's wife. She has got what is known in the plastic surgery game as “Mick McCarthy Nose”. It points resolutely to the east. Nicholas Anelka, a devout Muslim, uses this appendage to correctly orient his prayer mat during morning supplications. Famous Fans If there's one man who can empathise with Steve Clarke's plight of looking like a turd, it's Adrian Chiles. He came to national prominence by being the bookend next to which even Christine Bleakley looks attractive. It must of comes as a nasty surprise to Frank Lampard when he finally got her on her own. Chiles has subsequently tried to provide a similar service for pug-uglies such as Andy Townsend and Gareth Southgate, but a man can only do so much. "I am but human," complained Chiles, "No matter how dumb my analysis, Townsend always lowers the stakes." Things people say about WBA A lot of people are saying that after years as a number two, Steve Clarke finally looks like a number one. I disagree. He still looks like a number 2. What's more depressing than supporting WBA? Being Adrian Chiles and supporting WBA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pingwing Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Top thread! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Boy Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 A* Nice one Bearsy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 4 August, 2013 Author Share Posted 4 August, 2013 tks guise! I tried really hard with that to make it professional like a scout report Tord Grip would do. Check the good spellings! #dictionarybear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
latter day saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 brilliant ! Best scout report ever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNSUN Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint_Jonny Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Excellent. I am ready for the game now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trader Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Beary, I practically worships you! I would have your babies! But for all that unpleasantness beforehand. Yo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotty Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Very good work Senor Bear, and I hope the management absorb your input. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saint Garrett Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 I enjoyed this - thanks Bear. I'll be looking forward to one for every game this season. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danish Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Can this be a permanent feature before each game this season? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Convict Colony Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Quality, miss tokes is not going to be happy with the bear love, I reckon after our next game you have a go at doing a match review Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smirking_Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Big lols Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benjii Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Bearsy, your literary reviews and scouting reports are the high-watermark of the Saints Web Forum without a shadow of a doubt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel=God-Poyet=Sod Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 That is fantastic Bearsy. Laughing out loud literally there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delboy Dave Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 I love you Bear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Rubbish! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alwightmush Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Top stuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Great work Bear, I gave Dubai Phil my largest ever reputations handout in one go a couple of weeks ago (think I gave him +12). This has got to be +15 reputations points, but to make them even sweeter for you Bear, I'm not taking new reps from the reps stock cupboard, I'm going to take them from Tokyo's current haul and give them to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adrian lord Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Very well written - you should pitch for the next Partridge movie script. Genuine LOLS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohio Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 OK. This needs to be a weekly thread!! Great stuff Bearsy!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SNSUN Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 You can use the letters of West Bromwich Albion to spell out "bears". I reckon you have a hidden agenda Bearsy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 4 August, 2013 Author Share Posted 4 August, 2013 I'm going to take them from Tokyo's current haul and give them to you. tks spudders! In yo face tokyos! Ponch needs all the help he can get so i will try + do more scouts as season is progress. I think next up will be Sunderland? I feel guilty about that cos they are open goal! I could mug Sunderland off in my sleep! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colinjb Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Now why aren't threads like this posted as blogs instead? Great read! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 What you can't see bear is the comments from the posters that you have on ignore. Boooooo Keep to the muppet show Don't even post in the muppet show you try hard! I was wrong about who was the unfunny one in this double act One more mainboard thread from you bear and you are on ban again! I ♥ Tokyos You missed Frank Skinner from Celeb fans + some spelling mistakes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Golden Balls Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 LOLZ I look forward to this every week now...without fail. The only disappointment is that we'll never play pompey again. Their scouting report would be a great page turner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 (edited) What you can't see bear is the comments from the posters that you have on ignore. Ah Tokyos, that was good, I'd have liked this post if the forum had the functionality but the site owners can't be arsed any more can they, the lazy fellas will give you +1 reputations point though. ps why are we all on the main forum, there's some right weirdos loitering about here, what time are you and Bear heading back to Muppets? Edited 4 August, 2013 by Spudders Changed as Ohio has hurty feelings & got upset by a word he uses himself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohio Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 That's a word I use myself, but in all honesty, this forum would be better off without it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 (edited) Ah Tokyos, that was good, I'd have liked this post if the forum had the functionality but the site owners can't be arsed any more can they, the lazy wankers will give you +1 reputations point though. ps why are we all on the main forum, there's some right weirdos loitering about here, what time are you and Bear heading back to Muppets? Yeah spud let's got out of here. First I am going to steal a couple of bear's jokes and try and weasel him into a ban. Edited 4 August, 2013 by Tokyo-Saint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 That's a word I use myself, but in all honesty, this forum would be better off without it. Sorry if I upset you flower Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Yeah spud let's got out of here. First I am going to steal a couple of bear's jokes and try and weasel him into a ban. Hey Tokes, can you amend the naughty word in the quote from my post so that no one else gets saddy feelings, I've crossed the line. -1 reputations points to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norwaysaint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Wow, I've posted about three times in as many weeks and certainly hit a nerve with Tokyo Saint. Excellent post as usual Bearsy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohio Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Sorry if I upset you flower I'm not upset, Buttercup Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Is that ok ohio? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Wow, I've posted about three times in as many weeks and certainly hit a nerve with Tokyo Saint. Excellent post as usual Bearsy. Sticks and stones may break my bones but your words oh they really hurt me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 I'm not upset, Buttercup Coolio, I'd have liked this post too if the forum had the functionality but the site owners can't be arsed any more can they, the lazy tinkers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohio Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Is that ok ohio? Like I said, it's a word I use myself. I'm not offended......But put cursing like that alongside the already rampant trolling on this forum, there is very little left. I prefer to talk about footy frankly, so I'll just bow out and leave the rest to you guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 4 August, 2013 Author Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Are we seriously not allowed to call the mods c***s anymore? No wonder the good posters don't post here anymore. And you can see why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 To bring this back on topic, here are some more famous west brom fans: Lenny Henry Frank Skinner Floella Benjamin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 4 August, 2013 Author Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Well moderated spudders! Did u know Lenny Henry personally jacks off in every Premier Inn bed? That's why they're so cheap. #triviabear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Can't believe I forgot leslie crowther, sorry about that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohio Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Crowther.....When I used to watch Crackerjack as a kid, he was the LAST person I would have guessed as an alcoholic father in law of a junkie rock star! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RonManager Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Can't believe I forgot leslie crowther, sorry about that My Crackerjack pencil told me he would come back from the dead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 ^ are you confusing him with Stu Francis Ohio? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 ^ are you confusing him with Stu Francis Ohio? crumbs I didn't realize it was that old! Presented by Eamonn Andrews (1955-1964) Leslie Crowther (1964-1968 ) Michael Aspel (1968-1974) Ed Stewart (1975-1979) Stu Francis (1980-1984) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohio Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 ^ are you confusing him with Stu Francis Ohio? Nope!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 4 August, 2013 Author Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Cat Deeley is another baggie, apparently, and i don't just mean her flaps* *soz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 4 August, 2013 Author Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Poor bearsy, no matter how hard he tries to do serious football thread they always end up with Lenny Henry wanking and Cat Deeley's flaps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 For Turks, Sour Mash and the rest of the inside men crew - know your enemy, this could get proper nawty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohio Saint Posted 4 August, 2013 Share Posted 4 August, 2013 Poor bearsy, no matter how hard he tries to do serious football thread they always end up with Lenny Henry wanking and Cat Deeley's flaps. Now that I have seen both in the same sentence, it is difficult to shake the image from my head. Why does Lenny not stop w@nking and just get between the flaps!!?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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