John Cool

Win and we're safe. Jack Cork to score with a fortuitous rebound off his bum in the 94th minute will do for me

To the tune of Delilah by Tom Jones.. Jay, Jay, Jay, Rodriguez (la la la la la la la) Jay, Jay, Jay, Rodriguez (la la la la la la la) How long before, Roy Hodgson knocks on the door? Jay Jay Rodriguez, we know that he's going to score!

Before a ball was kicked this season, Ramirez might have been a good bet given his abundant skills and high price tag but he has yet to really come good. Maybe next season or maybe he'd be better plying his talents in Spain or Italy rather than the EPL. Rodriguez on the other hand has shone like a star recently and has struck up an excellent partnership with Rickie Lambert, who is my POTS pick. Young player has to be Shaw - amazing how good he is at such a young age.

Nigel gets nil, Pinocchio two Saints staying up, Royals in poo

I've never really hated any football team, including Pompey. I have to work with Skates and it's always been "yar boo sucks" rather than any real malice.

"This new bloke better be good" is exactly what I'm thinking. Nige has steered our bus safely onto Stayup Street, so changing manager now is a big gamble, IMHO.

We have a good record against The Spuds at home, so I'll go for a repeat of the famous FA Cup demolition. That game finished 4-0 but I'll take 4-2...

A chant rather than a song... Ooh aah Gaston R!

I thought of Kate Bush... All ours, Mayuka, Mayuka, Mayuka, ya-yah. All ours, Mayuka, Mayuka, Mayuka, ya-yah.

I predict Saints 6 Man U 3 ... (wibble)

JC about to come on....

Ste-ven Da-vis, Waah! Waah! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CS8ZfVTE4SM (I'll get my flares)

Q: Is Lambert good enough for the Prem? A: Yes.

Looks like my first attempt was using too good a song, so my second uses a completely rubbish one, "Do The Conga" by Black Lace... Jay Jay Jay, he cost lots of wonga Jay Jay Jay, we hope he's going to score (repeat and change key ad nauseum)

With apologies to Neil Young... My My Jay Jay Rodriguez is here to stay It's better to burn out than to fade away My My Jay Jay

We're still not on this http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/premier-league/ page. The Beeb is "the one that matters" IMHO.

A third successive second is beyond my wildest dreams, I think 12th is more realistic.

I predicted us for 8th in the Championship - delighted to be wrong (though my BBC Predictor with 10 to go of 88 pts was spot on) but I'll go for 8th again, Nige matching the achievement of WGS.

After excessive celebratory booze... Goin' up Goin' up Up Up Bleah! Goin' up Goin' up Up Up Bleah! Oh Lord I'm telling you I'm glad that I'm red not blue

Adam Lallana, 25-yard curler into the top corner.

A long shot but it would be fun I have this fascination No cause for deviation It's called Li - i - quidatiation Liquidation! Liquidation!

On a more light-hearted note, how about a rude version of Mike Oldfield's Portsmouth... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycuT9iFPAvo You are rubbish at football, and have se-ex with fish You are rubbish at football, and have se-ex with fish You're crap you're crap you're crap you're crap You're crap you're crap you're CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! You are rubbish at football, and have se-ex with fish

The Boney M classic "Brown Girl In The Ring" works fine as long as you pronounce the surname rhyming with tin rather than tan.. Morgan Schneiderlin, la la-la la la Morgan Schneiderlin, laa la la la la la Morgan Schneiderlin, la la-la la la He's class and he's France's number one (one! one!)

After having a furtle with BBC predictor http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/eng_div_1/predictor/default.stm, I think we need 88.