You have just been appointed Southamptons new manager

[Golac's Cunning Stunts]

You have just been appointed Southamptons new manager.

I am afraid the board have sold lallana and shaw from under you but have promised to hold on to other players. They are releasing 50 million pounds to the new manager

Who are you gonna buy? Who will you promote from the youth? You can also have a co manager to work with you. Who will you appoint if anybody?

 

Be interested to hear you gurus make some decisions?

[CB Fry]

My co-manager would be Susanna Reid.

[Bearsy]

I am afraid the board have sold lallana and shaw from under you

 

i quit

[Baldbarbarian]

I would go see Boruc & have a party

[Golac's Cunning Stunts]

My co-manager would be Susanna Reid.

 

Would you be able to sustain a lasting relationship with her though?

[Horley CTFC Saint]

Would you be able to sustain a lasting relationship with her though?

I doubt any one who posts on this forum could

[Whitey Grandad]

I've just accepted a better offer from Tottenham.

[percy windham]

We need to sign more people who will kiss the badge and never leave, so Sam vokes, Danny ings, steve guppy, brian Howard, Fiona Phillips, Craig David, coldplays drummer and david gower.

[Bearsy]

I've just accepted a better offer from Tottenham.

 

natch

[Golac's Cunning Stunts]

I've just accepted a better offer from Tottenham.

 

But you promised you would sign for Saints. Now the board really don't know what to do...

[LVSaint]

Spit on the owner's desk, walk out and never return....................turn to page 396

Issue an ultimatum demanding an extra 25M or you quit..............turn to page 250

Tell them you'll consider and leave through the door on the left....turn to page 115

[VectisSaint]

I will not sign any new English players, or any players from teams that qualify for World or European competitions, so Big Vic and Steve Davis will form the spine of my team, this will also allow me to bring Osvaldo back in, because even he wouldn't lump Big Vic. This way I will avoid any of our players being tapped up by Stevie Geeeeeeee. All of the youth team players will be shipped out, we don't want Woy coming and seeing we have talent that might be useful to him or his successor one day. No players from Liverpool or Manchester or London will be allowed to join in case they want to return to their spiritual homes or their boyhood dreams (no problem with Newcastle though, cos they are all Frenchies anyway). So my first team will be Boruc, A Right back, couple of centre backs (so that excludes Jos), Targett (but only if he reverts to being a Scot), Davis, Wanyama, Cork (because even though he is English Woy doesn't seem to think he is), Davis, Osvaldo, Rodriguez (who will be take Spanish citizenship). Maybe try and sign some Welsh players if Gareth could give me some advice). My assistant will be, nah, blow it I won't need an assistant.

[Olallana]

Know too little about the youth players. A lot of talk about Josh Sims but if he´s not a starter in national U17 he´s probably not close to PL level yet.

Targett maybe the obvious choice and Reed will probably be used a bit more...

 

David Ospina £5m

Stefan De Vrij £12m

Timothee Kolodziejczak £5m

Jack Rodwell £7m

Quincy Promes £7m

Ibrahim Afellay £3m

Pierre Michel Lasogga £8m

Domenico Berardi £10m

 

Outlay £57m so I guess I have to sell Cork and bring in £4m to be closer to the £50m

[Golac's Cunning Stunts]

Know too little about the youth players. A lot of talk about Josh Sims but if he´s not a starter in national U17 he´s probably not close to PL level yet.

Targett maybe the obvious choice and Reed will probably be used a bit more...

 

David Ospina £5m

Stefan De Vrij £12m

Timothee Kolodziejczak £5m

Jack Rodwell £7m

Quincy Promes £7m

Ibrahim Afellay £3m

Pierre Michel Lasogga £8m

Domenico Berardi £10m

 

Outlay £57m so I guess I have to sell Cork and bring in £4m to be closer to the £50m

 

Showing my ignorance here but of all those listed I have only heard of Jack Rodwell. Off to google the rest :-)

[Olallana]

Showing my ignorabce here but of all those listed I have only heard of Jack Rodwell. Off to google the rest :-)

 

"Kolo" has been linked to us last month

[Sheaf Saint]

Spit on the owner's desk, walk out and never return....................turn to page 396

Issue an ultimatum demanding an extra 25M or you quit..............turn to page 250

Tell them you'll consider and leave through the door on the left....turn to page 115

 

Don't forget to roll a couple of dice to see if you win a fight with Osvaldo before proceeding.

[CB Fry]

Know too little about the youth players. A lot of talk about Josh Sims but if he´s not a starter in national U17 he´s probably not close to PL level yet.

Targett maybe the obvious choice and Reed will probably be used a bit more...

 

David Ospina £5m

Stefan De Vrij £12m

Timothee Kolodziejczak £5m

Jack Rodwell £7m

Quincy Promes £7m

Ibrahim Afellay £3m

Pierre Michel Lasogga £8m

Domenico Berardi £10m

 

Outlay £57m so I guess I have to sell Cork and bring in £4m to be closer to the £50m

 

Are they all real players? Some of them sound like names off of The Day Today.

[Olallana]

Are they all real players? Some of them sound like names off of The Day Today.

 

Yep, who wouldn´t wanna give Merrington a nightmare commentating those

[Crab Lungs]

Hasn't Berardi gone to Juve?

[Ziggy]

Will we be in stripes next season?

[Saint_Abroad]

Sell everything that's not bolted down or a player, have school kids shaking cans outside of grocery stores for spare change and bring in #7, Cristiano Ronaldo. Then watch the new #7 kits fund his £400k/week wage.

[Huffton]

I'd be straight on the phone to Avram Grant telling him I had £50m to blow and could he recommend any ladies of Locks heath to spend it on

[Olallana]

Hasn't Berardi gone to Juve?

 

Cant find anything about that on transfermarkt at least but if so I´ll talk to them and give them Osvaldo in exchange for Berardi.

[Lallana's Left Peg]

Interesting thread.

 

I don't really know names of players I'd sign but I'll attribute a value against how much I would spend on each position. I've also assumed I can sell.

 

GK - I'd hold off, we have Boruc for another year.

LB - sign a new one for £7m

CB - I like the Fonte and Lovren partnership and I would keep it. I would however sign a promising CB for £5m+ to be third choice.

RB - like what we've got

CM - like what we've got

AM - would sign an attacking midfielder who is direct and has pace for £15m to replace Lallana

Winger - would sign a promising winger for £5m but with the understanding he is a situational player

Striker - sign two strikers - one a starter for £10m+ and the other a prospect for £5m.

 

Total outlay: £47m. I would offset this with Osvaldo leaving. Wage bill also increase quite a lot which is a risk.

 

Would promote Matt Targett to be backup left-back (although Clyne would be second in the depth chart). Assuming one of Maya and Hooiveld would not accept being 5th choice for CB one of them would move on and be replaced by Jordan Turnbull or Jack Stephens. No other prospects are ready in my opinion. Not yet. Harry Reed is already a part of the first team squad.

[doddisalegend]

First off I work the old charm on KL and get her to up the budget to 300 million then go out a make a team of ex saints back into saints Bale, theo, oxo and Dyer should provide a bit of pace upfront and out wide keep the central midfield and defence (apart from left back) as it is bring in Manuel Neuer as first choice keeper . Just for the crack bring back Joseph Mills and Dan harding for left back and Lloyd James to organise the after match parties. Get Nigel back as my number 2 and play all out attacking football and f uck defence loads of exciting high scoring games for the supporters.

 

Meanwhile set up the MLT cloning project so we can turn out endless MLT clones

[SaintRobbie]

You have just been appointed Southamptons new manager.

I am afraid the board have sold lallana and shaw from under you but have promised to hold on to other players. They are releasing 50 million pounds to the new manager

Who are you gonna buy? Who will you promote from the youth? You can also have a co manager to work with you. Who will you appoint if anybody?

 

Be interested to hear you gurus make some decisions?

 

Easy. I'd ring up Koeman and say some Canadian Ice Hockey coach had just appointed me manager but as I have no experience in such a role I was wondering if he would like to take over from me for £1m.

 

And, he has £25m to spend on players.

 

[hackedoff]

Ground share with Pompey to reduce costs, and loan them Gaston and capt sparrow if they still don't fancy playing for us. Also lend them as many of the youth players to give them first team experience and help to foster better relations with our dear rivals.

[DuncanRG]

I'd poo myself. Can I appoint Koeman as my assistant and bail after two games?

[scotty]

Are they all real players? Some of them sound like names off of The Day Today.

 

Partridge will have a field day asking them about their groin problems.

[SaintRichmond]

You have just been appointed Southamptons new manager.

I am afraid the board have sold lallana and shaw from under you but have promised to hold on to other players. They are releasing 50 million pounds to the new manager

Who are you gonna buy? Who will you promote from the youth? You can also have a co manager to work with you. Who will you appoint if anybody?

 

Be interested to hear you gurus make some decisions?

 

 

P.S Of course, the £50 million referred to is the money made from the Lallana and Shaw sales.

 

So, you'd have to replace them, for ( at least ) £50 million ( like for like )

 

You won't have any " extra " funds to purchase additional players to improve the squad ..... unless of course, you sell someone else yourself

 

KL and RK wish you well in your New Project

 

PPS Whatever you want to do, clear it with Sir Les first

[CB Fry]

P.S Of course, the £50 million referred to is the money made from the Lallana and Shaw sales.

 

So, you'd have to replace them, for ( at least ) £50 million ( like for like )

 

You won't have any " extra " funds to purchase additional players to improve the squad ..... unless of course, you sell someone else yourself

 

KL and RK wish you well in your New Project

 

PPS Whatever you want to do, clear it with Sir Les first

 

We would not need £50m to replace Lallana and Shaw, you nutcase.

 

Just a steady stream of drivel from you now isn't it?

[OldNick]

We would not need £50m to replace Lallana and Shaw,

 

[/quote) I agree

[OldNick]

We need to sign more people who will kiss the badge and never leave, so Sam vokes, Danny ings, steve guppy, brian Howard, Fiona Phillips, Craig David, coldplays drummer and david gower.

don't forget that blonde runner who is a saints fan when it suits him, normally a Man U fan.

[John Boy Saint]

I would have had the clause in my contract that says that at the end of the season whatever of the £50m I have not spent after the 2 windows I can keep, would see me trawling the bottom 2 leagues for hidden gems spending £10m max getting relegated and subsequently sacked without a care in the world.

[SaintRichmond]

We would not need £50m to replace Lallana and Shaw, you nutcase.

 

Just a steady stream of drivel from you now isn't it?

 

Why would we not need £50m to replace Lallana and Shaw ??

 

What would be your figure for getting Quality replacements ??

 

Why do you consider it "drivel" ?? Just because you don't agree ??

 

Why not wait until SFC sign the "Quality" replacements for, say, £25m, THEN criticise

 

Nice to see how you enhance your argument with abuse, nice touch

[CB Fry]

Why would we not need £50m to replace Lallana and Shaw ??

 

What would be your figure for getting Quality replacements ??

 

Why do you consider it "drivel" ?? Just because you don't agree ??

 

Why not wait until SFC sign the "Quality" replacements for, say, £25m, THEN criticise

 

Nice to see how you enhance your argument with abuse, nice touch

 

We are not going to sell a left back for twenty five million pounds, and then replace him by with a left back costing twenty five million pounds.

 

Use as many double question marks??, CAPITAL LETTERS and "quotation marks" as you like to demonstrate your lack of understanding, you swivel - eyed lunatic.

[SaintRichmond]

We are not going to sell a left back for twenty five million pounds, and then replace him by with a left back costing twenty five million pounds.

 

Use as many double question marks??, CAPITAL LETTERS and "quotation marks" as you like to demonstrate your lack of understanding, you swivel - eyed lunatic.

 

 

I wasn't aware you knew what I looked like.

 

Still, nothing like enhancing your argument with insults. Are you in the Diplomatic Services by any chance ??

 

Back to topic. How much do you think a left back, of Shaw's quality would cost us, bearing in mind the selling club would know we would be trying to replace Shaw ??

 

Matt Targett isn't quite ready yet IMHO

 

Capital letters and quotation marks are purely Grammatical expressions, it is words that convey the opinion(s)

 

I await your next tirade with interest. It's a good job we both support the Saints, otherwise you might have to look up some REALLY BIG INSULTS

 

PS, before you query my "support" of Saints, I support the Team, my current opinions are directed as to how the Club is being run

 

Over to you C.B

[Brave Sir Robin]

I'd appoint Brendan Rodgers as assistant manager, buy Sturridge, then loan a promising youngster to Liverpool who'd I'd then pay £1m to for breaking Suarez's leg in training

[John McGrath's Jockstrap]

I would go see Boruc & have a party

 

And I wouldn't foget the Charlie either ( would need it).

 

I would go and buy:

 

Nathan Redmond - we need some pace and direct running wide/up front. Age and profile would work with rest of team.

 

If we lose Shaw to Man Utd, get Hernandez in as part of the deal assuming my board have the b*******s to negotiate hard enough. Would also take a punt and buy Ings or Jordan Rhodes as back up until Jay Rod can walk again.

 

New left back - Timothée Kolodziejczak,

 

New CB - probably get Caulker in.

 

And spend the rest on more Charlie for Artur's Xmas party.......

 

Easy job.

[Mallagroth]

I wasn't aware you knew what I looked like.

 

Still, nothing like enhancing your argument with insults. Are you in the Diplomatic Services by any chance ??

 

Back to topic. How much do you think a left back, of Shaw's quality would cost us, bearing in mind the selling club would know we would be trying to replace Shaw ??

 

Matt Targett isn't quite ready yet IMHO

 

Capital letters and quotation marks are purely Grammatical expressions, it is words that convey the opinion(s)

 

I await your next tirade with interest. It's a good job we both support the Saints, otherwise you might have to look up some REALLY BIG INSULTS

 

PS, before you query my "support" of Saints, I support the Team, my current opinions are directed as to how the Club is being run

 

Over to you C.B

 

BS is that you? Had a right flashback for a moment.

[Big Bad Bob]

Showing my ignorance here but of all those listed I have only heard of Jack Rodwell. Off to google the rest :-)

 

Are they all real players? Some of them sound like names off of The Day Today.

 

He just threw the Scrabble tiles in the air and saw how they landed.

[CB Fry]

I wasn't aware you knew what I looked like.

 

Still, nothing like enhancing your argument with insults. Are you in the Diplomatic Services by any chance ??

 

Back to topic. How much do you think a left back, of Shaw's quality would cost us, bearing in mind the selling club would know we would be trying to replace Shaw ??

 

Matt Targett isn't quite ready yet IMHO

 

Capital letters and quotation marks are purely Grammatical expressions, it is words that convey the opinion(s)

 

I await your next tirade with interest. It's a good job we both support the Saints, otherwise you might have to look up some REALLY BIG INSULTS

 

PS, before you query my "support" of Saints, I support the Team, my current opinions are directed as to how the Club is being run

 

Over to you C.B

 

We won't spend twenty five million pounds on a freaking left back.

 

Smash your keyboard as much as you like.

[SaintRichmond]

We won't spend twenty five million pounds on a freaking left back.

 

Smash your keyboard as much as you like.

 

 

Once again, thanks for your measured and well reasoned counter opinion(s)

 

Pity you don't have ant thoughts of your own

 

I'd love to know how you think SFC will spend money on strengthening the Squad, and even your thoughts on who will be the next Manager would be interesting

 

As would any rational sentance

[SaintRichmond]

BS is that you? Had a right flashback for a moment.

 

Who is BS ??

[Halo Stickman]

First day things-to-do list:

 

1. Apologise to Dalek for not being Hoddle.

2. Tell the mods to put Ron Davies on the banner.

3. Plunder the HCDAJFU thread for ideas about which players to sign.

4. Look them up on google.

5. Hold my head in my hands and weep like a schoolgirl.

[Ohio Saint]

[h=1]You have just been appointed Southamptons new manager[/h]

Bloody hell! I've just got up, I thought I was reading my emails for a second. Nearly peed myself when I read this, as I hadn't even applied for it!

[Fan The Flames]

Ohio - I likes that.

[eelpie]

Being English I will need an interpreter for the benefit of the foreign press

[Ralph Wiggum]

First day things-to-do list:

 

1. Apologise to Dalek for not being Hoddle.

2. Tell the mods to put Ron Davies on the banner.

3. Plunder the HCDAJFU thread for ideas about which players to sign.

4. Look them up on google.

5. Hold my head in my hands and weep like a schoolgirl.

 

 

then on to the serious business:

 

* offload Osvaldo

* bring in Ings, Pelle, Timothée Kolodziejczak (Shaw replacement) and Caulker. Cheeky bid for Vorm.

* play Gaston more

* await mongboard meltdown for previous decision

[Dan Johnson]

At first, I’d be ecstatic. Joining a club that finished 8th with a £50 million budget for new players and a board that had sold their vision of success based on sustainability and hard work.

 

I’d be disappointed shortly after when speaking with Lallana & Shaw, it became apparent that they weren’t willing to stay at the club under any circumstance & didn’t, no matter how hard I tried to sell it, buy into the future of the club. I felt it in the best interests to let them move on and bolster my transfer budget by £60 million

A club statement announcing their departures states that with my blessing, Southampton have come to an agreement with the buying clubs and that both have left Southampton.

 

The statement was put together to show that the board allowed me to have the final say, and that they weren’t selling the players from under me and that I am in full control of footballing matters. However the general fan populous are disappointed, they think I’ve now been appointed as I’m a yes man, I come into criticism from media & fans for not being stronger & fighting for both players to stay.

 

I’m frustrated by the transfer market as player purchasing chains mean that the players I want, won’t be sold until their club can find a replacement, and the club further back in the chain finds a replacement for a replacement.

 

As I wait on the availability of my number top targets, I sign a player on the recommendation of our scouts, after the players the scouts have discovered in the past, Bale, OX, Walcott, Shaw, Chambers, Lallana I trust their opinion unquestionably. He’s a striker, he comes cheap but it’s announced as an undisclosed fee. His professional record isn’t very impressive in terms of goals per games ratio, but he’s played in fits and spats at his old club, he’s young & he was bought for the future.

 

The fans turn on me again, I’m taking the cheap option, it further enhances the opinion of those with an agenda that the board are asset stripping and this is the kind of signing fans should start expecting.

 

I attend my first fans forum, I’m inundated with questions on transfers, why haven’t we signed anyone, I try to explain to the fans that the transfer market is frustrating and that it’s not as easy as just having a bid accepted, availability of 1 player can be impacted by 4-5 other transfers.

 

In my first friendly I play an experimental system, I’ve ideas on how to break down teams when they come and “park the bus” some of the players are still learning the system and while it’s only a “test” of the new system and the result is unimportant, we lose 2-1 to Bristol Rovers. We’re without any of the world cup players & I rest a number of keys player yet the fans are unimpressed, I don’t know what I’m doing & they’re certain we will be relegated.

 

The negativity from fans has spread to the local media & in turn to national press, the press run reports of the club being in “disarray” & quotes unconfirmed sources that the players are “unhappy and looking to move on”

 

Shortly after, Nicola Cortese releases a piece in the media saying if he was chairmen he wouldn’t have allowed Lallana & Shaw to leave, the fans jump on it & blame the current board for lack of ambition.

 

The negativity in the press discourages our transfer targets from joining Southampton, despite having deals agreed with both player & clubs they fall through 1 by 1, once 1 player decides not to join Southampton because of the press reports other agents get wind of those decisions and then encourage, with no substance, that there must be something negative happening at Southampton and their clients should now, look elsewhere.

 

First game of the season is Tottenham at home, despite a good performance we lose 2-1. Fans inundate phone ins stating unfounded rumour as fact, and that if they were manager they’d have done this and that and we wouldn’t be in the mess we are now.

 

I resign 3 days later