Donald Trump Appreciation Thread

[tdmickey3]

This thread title should be changed to Donald Trump is Cunt Thread

[sadoldgit]

I suspect it’s the latter. He only recently said they had no one to talk to because they had all been killed. Who’d fancy putting their head above the parapet for the Iranians at the moment?

I see those yanks left with a sense of decency and humour have suggested that ICE are sent in as their “boots on the ground.” They have plenty of combat experience in built up areas and like to rock camo and masks. Not averse to killing civilians either. They’d be perfect for the job.

[benjii]

8 hours ago, benjii said:

You have to wonder how many of these announcements are just for market moving / inside dealing purposes.

 

8 hours ago, egg said:

Yep, that's all it is. It took a whole 45 mins for Iran to say it's bollox and that there's been no direct or indirect communication with Trump. 

Here we are....

 

 

 

[Patrick Bateman]

9 hours ago, tdmickey3 said:

This thread title should be changed to Donald Trump is Cunt Thread

I endorse this.

[egg]

10 hours ago, benjii said:

 

Here we are....

 

 

 

Yep, and the conveniently timed bets on the war starting, and ending. The Aussie take on it, with as clear an explanation as you'll see:

'You want to know why they started a war?

Follow the money. Always follow the money.

Monday morning. 6:50am New York time. Markets are dead quiet. Pre-market trading. Thin liquidity. The kind of hour where normal people are arguing with their alarm clock or trying to remember if they fed the dog.

But somebody's awake. Somebody's VERY awake.

Because at 6:50am, someone drops $1.5 BILLION into S&P 500 futures. Simultaneously shorts $192 million in oil. Orders 4 to 6 times larger than anything else trading at that hour. In a market so quiet you could hear a Bloomberg terminal fart.

Fifteen minutes later, Trump posts on Truth Social that the US and Iran are having "productive conversations" and he's pausing strikes on Iranian energy infrastructure.

S&P rockets up 2.5%. Oil crashes 11%. Whoever made those trades just printed themselves a fortune in the time it takes to microwave a Hot Pocket.

But I'm sure it's fine. I'm sure some guy in Connecticut just had a really, really good feeling about geopolitics at 6:50 in the morning. Woke up, did some yoga, had a green smoothie, thought "you know what, I reckon there's going to be a surprise peace announcement in 15 minutes in a war that's been escalating for 4 weeks" and casually threw one and a half billion dollars at it.

Happens all the time. Totally normal. Nothing to see here.

Now here's where it gets so corrupt it's almost beautiful.

Over on Polymarket, 10 brand new accounts, all created at the same time, no trading history, dropped $160,000 betting on an Iran ceasefire by end of March. They stand to collect over a million dollars.

And two of those wallets? They'd already successfully bet on the war STARTING.

Read that again.

Someone allegedly knew the war was coming. Bet on it. Won. Then knew the "peace talks" were coming. Bet on that too. Won again. Using fresh wallets with zero history. Created simultaneously. Like a litter of puppies, except instead of being cute they're committing federal crimes.

But sure. Maybe it's the same guy from Connecticut. Maybe he's just really good at this. Maybe his horoscope said "Sagittarius, big week for geopolitical prediction markets, wear something blue."

Now here's the part that turns this from corruption into actual comedy.

Iran says none of it's real. Their Foreign Ministry says there are no negotiations. Their parliamentary speaker went on X and said, and I'm paraphrasing, "This is fake news designed to manipulate financial and oil markets." Even Iranian academics are laughing about it. One said Trump makes these announcements every week when markets open to drive oil prices down and his 5 day deadline conveniently expires on a Friday when markets close.

So. The President of the United States allegedly MADE UP a diplomatic breakthrough. In the middle of a war he started. A war that's killed over 3,200 people. A war that's shut the Strait of Hormuz and sent fuel prices into orbit from Houston to Hobart. He fabricated peace talks so someone could make millions on futures contracts before breakfast.

That's not corruption. That's a Netflix series. That's Ozark with nuclear weapons and a worse spray tan.

And the beautiful thing? This isn't even the first time. This isn't even the first time THIS YEAR.

April 2025. The tariffs. Trump tweets "THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO BUY!!!" on Truth Social at 9:37am. Four hours later he announces a 90 day tariff pause. Markets go vertical. S&P jumps 9.5%. His own media company stock rockets 22%. Senate Democrats demanded an SEC investigation. Warren called it corruption in plain sight. Schiff called for an urgent inquiry.

You know what happened?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Because the SEC chair is Trump's handpicked guy, Paul Atkins, confirmed by the Senate he controls, running an agency he's been systematically gutting since day one. The watchdog didn't just go to sleep. They took it out back, Old Yeller style.

So here we are. March 2026. And the playbook hasn't changed. It's just graduated from tariffs to actual warfare.

Let me walk you through how this works, because it's genuinely elegant in a "stealing candy from 330 million people" kind of way.

Step 1. Start a war on a Friday night after markets close. Can't have people panic selling in real time, that would be inconvenient.

Step 2. Let oil prices explode. Strait of Hormuz closes. Crude goes through the roof. Petrol stations start looking like crime scenes. Normal people suffer.

Step 3. Monday morning, just before markets open, announce a dramatic peace breakthrough. Make sure your mates are positioned first.

Step 4. Watch the S&P scream higher and oil crater. Collect profits.

Step 5. Have Iran deny everything 27 minutes later. Markets give back half the gains. Reposition.

Step 6. Repeat on Friday with a new threat. Repeat Monday with new hope. Rinse and repeat until everyone's retirement account has been shaken upside down like a tourist in a back alley.

Step 7. When asked about it, have the SEC "decline to comment."

Every major announcement timed to market hours. Every escalation on a Friday close. Every de-escalation on a Monday open. CNN called it a pattern. I'd call it a subscription service. For fifty bucks a month you too can find out what the President's going to post on Truth Social before he posts it. Allegedly.

And who's going to stop them?

The SEC they castrated? The Congress they own? The Justice Department that's been turned into a personal legal team? The media that gets a new five alarm fire every 6 hours and can't focus on one scandal long enough to finish a headline?

3,200 people are dead. The Strait of Hormuz is closed. Fuel prices are wrecking families on every continent. Australia's sitting on less than 3 weeks of fuel reserves. Gold's crashed 20% in a month. People's retirement savings are being treated like a poker chip at a table where the dealer is also the house, the pit boss, and the guy who owns the casino.

And somewhere, right now, someone is sitting in front of 6 monitors watching their brokerage account tick higher every time a 79 year old man in a bathrobe hits send on a social media post from his golf resort in Florida.

This isn't an administration. It's a hedge fund with a flag.

The grift isn't a side effect of the chaos.

The chaos IS the grift.

And they're not even being subtle about it anymore. Why would they be? Who's going to do anything? The referee works for them. The rule book's been shredded. And half the crowd is still cheering because their team is winning, even as their pockets are being picked in real time.

But hey. I'm sure it's all a coincidence. Ten times in a row. Exposed by a whale tracking account on Twitter and a bunch of crypto nerds on Polymarket.

Thank God we've got a free press and an independent judiciary to sort this out.

Oh wait'.

[badgerx16]

GM said in the opening post that he had read The Art of the Deal, the book that Trump did not write. I wonder if he could let us know where in the book it outlines the genius strategy of starting a war to manipulate the markets.

[sadoldgit]

Not so much the art of the deal, more the art of the grift.

Anyway, I hadn’t come across this before but it certainly explains how Trump gets away with so much and why it is so difficult to persuade those who support him or excuse his behaviour that he is the monster and fraud the rest of us know he that is (the same goes for the Poundshop Trump, Farage).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brandolini's_law

It explains the old adage that it is foolish to argue with an idiot because they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

[badgerx16]

32 minutes ago, sadoldgit said:

Not so much the art of the deal, more the art of the grift.

Anyway, I hadn’t come across this before but it certainly explains how Trump gets away with so much and why it is so difficult to persuade those who support him or excuse his behaviour that he is the monster and fraud the rest of us know he that is (the same goes for the Poundshop Trump, Farage).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brandolini's_law

It explains the old adage that it is foolish to argue with an idiot because they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

If they are profiting by supporting him they will not be persuaded otherwise.