If you owned Southampton FC

What five (off-field) changes would you make if you were the billionaire owner of SFC. Here is mine

1. Get rid of the horrendous Blue Peter club badge and replace it with the traditional City coat of arms.

2. Revert to our traditional navy blue shorts which we had until 1948 but we went to black because the navy blue cotton faded in those days.

3. I would (being very parochial now) ensure there was a museum incorporated into the stadium that was open to fans on match days. The club owns no memorabilia because previous regimes couldn't care less. There's lots out there and the fans need to have access.

4. Build some sort of train station outside the Kingsland incorporating the old tracks that went to the Docks. Expensive I know but how good would it be for al out of town fans to be able to catch a train to 50 yards of the station?

5. Buy PFC and turn it into our feeder club or alternatively close it down forever.

Yea I know but seriously if you suddenly found yourself in charge at SMS what 5 things would you introduce to make this club better.

Rebuild St. Mary's so it is a noisier, minimum 45k seat modern masterpiece with better food, bars, standing areas, a greater range of prices so more kids can afford to come etc.

Build a great museum for Saints and all the future success we will have

Have a top Saints women's team

Buy the land around the stadium and develop the area with bars, restaurants, shops, housing, sports facilities, river access

Build a large multi-purpose arena nearby and have a Saints basketball team, ice hockey team and build a Saints sport empire

1. Get rid of Calsberg from the bars

2. Re-name the stands

3. Fire the pre-match/halftime announcer

4. Be a pioneer in introducing safe standing

5. Buy PFC, burn down FP, walk away laughing

Keep the badge its one of the best in the world compared to many so called top clubs.

Increase the st marys capacity to 40,000 and lighting that doesnt degrade the match day experience.

I hope the billionaire owner had big commercial interests that could be used as sponsorship

Get rid of that bald **** on the halftime nic, get rid of sammy saint,

1. F**k off all the "partners", especially the official betting partner.

2. Get rid of the noddy badge. Like FF I prefer the city crest.

3. Safe standing.

4. Ensure that away tickets are subsidised.

5. Ensure every advertising hoarding in skatesville has a #wemarchon poster on it for the next 12 months minimum.

What five (off-field) changes would you make if you were the billionaire owner of SFC. Here is mine

 

1. Get rid of the horrendous Blue Peter club badge and replace it with the traditional City coat of arms.

2. Revert to our traditional navy blue shorts which we had until 1948 but we went to black because the navy blue cotton faded in those days.

3. I would (being very parochial now) ensure there was a museum incorporated into the stadium that was open to fans on match days. The club owns no memorabilia because previous regimes couldn't care less. There's lots out there and the fans need to have access.

4. Build some sort of train station outside the Kingsland incorporating the old tracks that went to the Docks. Expensive I know but how good would it be for al out of town fans to be able to catch a train to 50 yards of the station?

5. Buy PFC and turn it into our feeder club or alternatively close it down forever.

 

 

Yea I know but seriously if you suddenly found yourself in charge at SMS what 5 things would you introduce to make this club better.

All of the above - except 5, wouldn't even give them any attention, insignificant morons.

1) Extend the Kingland to make a 40K stadium and drop prices so we'd have a chance of actually filling it.

2) Buy the land opposite and build a collection of bars and restaurants on the waterfront.

3) Ban anyone from St. Mary's who turns up in face paint, jester hats, half and half scarves or football shirts over hoodies.

4) Put statues of MLT, Lawrie Mac and Terry Paine outside each stand and name the stands after them (with Ted making the 4).

5) Sort out the beer queues in the concourses with many more kiosks, beer backpacks, whatever. And sell decent booze.

1. Improve the exiting of the stadium for those at the top of stands.

2. Improve access across the railway - build another bridge.

3. Lower ticket prices.

4. Bring back a traditional away strip

5. Not that I eat there very often, but get better quality food (then I might eat there more often)

1. Start a radio station

2. Invest in the best catering in the football universe

3. Build myself a lift

4. Buy a new painting for the boardroom

5. Erect a statue of myself out the front

Buy up as much land around the stadium and redevelop it

Introduce free match day travel within the local area

Get a decent tannoy system

Ban anyone turning up in wacky hats, wigs, foam hands

Offer Mane £300k a week to stay for the rest of his career

1. Start a radio station

2. Invest in the best catering in the football universe

3. Build myself a lift

4. Buy a new painting for the boardroom

5. Erect a statue of myself out the front

6. Bring in a rugby coach to train a football team

1 build a statue of cortese, similar to the one of Jesus in Rio, his arms spread overlooking St Mary's and the club he saved

2. Ban all the Mars bar/wacky/bantersaurus Rex type fans and replace them with good looking, hard and well dressed chaps. Hired in if need be

3. Deliberately Get relegated in my first season, win the championship every year thereafter and refuse promotion to the premier league.

Distribute foam hands, rattles and vuvuzelas to everyone at every game

1. Provide stewards with cattle prods to 'encourage' early leavers to stay for the duration of the game.

2. Blankets and thermos flasks provided free to every season ticket holder over the age of 40.

3. Subsidized margaritas.

4. Free away travel, foam hands and wigs.

5. Sponsorship deal with Mars.

get rid of sammy saint,

My God, it's dog eat dog out there.

1. Sell tickets for the half-time relay and have the football match as the pre/post relay entertainment.

2. Install Dyson Airblades in the toilet as per below:

3. Move the away fans to the middle of the chapel stand, remove the segregation and not tell anyone for one game just to see what would happen.

4. Shoot anyone who takes a selfie with a bolt action shotgun.

5. Build a museum about the history of the club (as per an early post).

 

2. Ban all the Mars bar/.

Too late Turkish - Cortese banned Mars bars from the stadium after a very epic fail on his part.

No idea if they sell them again now or not.

1. Get rid of the horrendous Blue Peter club badge and replace it with the traditional City coat of arms.

You mean this?

https://1cantoris.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/scan02434.jpg

You don't feel it's a bit over the top?

What five (off-field) changes would you make if you were the billionaire owner of SFC. Here is mine

 

1. Get rid of the horrendous Blue Peter club badge and replace it with the traditional City coat of arms.

I disagree strongly with your point about the badge. I think it is brilliant in concept: the halo over the football suggesting the head of a saint; and the scarf suggesting the shoulders and arms of a person -- the whole top third of the design representing a footballing Saint. It's simple and clever at the same time -- very attractive.

You would prefer the Southampton coat of arms? To quote John McEnroe: "You cannot be serious!"

What five (off-field) changes would you make if you were the billionaire owner of SFC. Here is mine

 

1. Get rid of the horrendous Blue Peter club badge and replace it with the traditional City coat of arms.

2. Revert to our traditional navy blue shorts which we had until 1948 but we went to black because the navy blue cotton faded in those days.

3. I would (being very parochial now) ensure there was a museum incorporated into the stadium that was open to fans on match days. The club owns no memorabilia because previous regimes couldn't care less. There's lots out there and the fans need to have access.

4. Build some sort of train station outside the Kingsland incorporating the old tracks that went to the Docks. Expensive I know but how good would it be for al out of town fans to be able to catch a train to 50 yards of the station?

5. Buy PFC and turn it into our feeder club or alternatively close it down forever.

 

 

Yea I know but seriously if you suddenly found yourself in charge at SMS what 5 things would you introduce to make this club better.

LMAO!!! At first, I thought this was just another crazy lame thread. Then I realised that there are some people out there who still have a sense of humour! (And real passion)

1. I would erect a statue outside St. Mary's for MLT

2. I would erect a statue outside St. Mary's for Markus

3. I would erect a statue outside St. Mary's for my shi-tzu, Mulligan

4. I would spend millions to resurrect the original Plested's pie shop, and eat all their pies.

5. I would do whatever it takes to be the mostest awesome Saint's owner ever. I don't care how many pies I have to eat to achieve this.

I disagree strongly with your point about the badge. I think it is brilliant in concept: the halo over the football suggesting the head of a saint; and the scarf suggesting the shoulders and arms of a person -- the whole top third of the design representing a footballing Saint. It's simple and clever at the same time -- very attractive.

 

You would prefer the Southampton coat of arms? To quote John McEnroe: "You cannot be serious!"

Totally agree, I think it's a great badge. The Southampton coat of arms is however awful

Totally agree, I think it's a great badge. The Southampton coat of arms is however awful

The crest part of the badge is great, the rest is just utter noddy.

1. Rebuild St Mary's, making sure it had a retractable roof on it.

2. Buy and develop the land around the stadium. That area has such massive potential being on the waterfront but looks **** atm.

3. I'd definitely have a large room for memorabilia incorporated into the knew stadium!

4. Negotiate a much better sponsorship deal for the shirt.

5. Put a large kitty aside every season to subsidize away travel.

That's if money was no object though.

I grew up with the Saints having the Southampton city badge....But I remember that the council treated Saints like crap for a good number of years.....I would keep the current badge. It is the saints.

I disagree strongly with your point about the badge. I think it is brilliant in concept: the halo over the football suggesting the head of a saint; and the scarf suggesting the shoulders and arms of a person -- the whole top third of the design representing a footballing Saint. It's simple and clever at the same time -- very attractive.

Always reminds me of the old Merry Oak Boys School badge - shudder!

2. Install Dyson Airblades in the toilet as per below:

These are much more hygienic:

http://www.qbicwashrooms.co.uk/dyson-airblade-v-hand-dryer-nickel.html?utm_source=google_shopping&gclid=CKLrt9HamsgCFcFuGwod1a0L6Q

What five (off-field) changes would you make if you were the billionaire owner of SFC. Here is mine

 

1. Get rid of the horrendous Blue Peter club badge and replace it with the traditional City coat of arms.

2. Revert to our traditional navy blue shorts which we had until 1948 but we went to black because the navy blue cotton faded in those days.

3. I would (being very parochial now) ensure there was a museum incorporated into the stadium that was open to fans on match days. The club owns no memorabilia because previous regimes couldn't care less. There's lots out there and the fans need to have access.

4. Build some sort of train station outside the Kingsland incorporating the old tracks that went to the Docks. Expensive I know but how good would it be for al out of town fans to be able to catch a train to 50 yards of the station?

5. Buy PFC and turn it into our feeder club or alternatively close it down forever.

 

 

Yea I know but seriously if you suddenly found yourself in charge at SMS what 5 things would you introduce to make this club better.

Our badge is brilliant, blue shorts is just not Saints in my book, Perfect Fried Chicken as our feeder club? We would end up with a team full of Luke Shaws.

What exactly would pfc be fit to feed to us? A few stadium designs for a laugh?

What exactly would pfc be fit to feed to us? A few stadium designs for a laugh?

I think we can all safely assume that any billionaire Saints fan buying the club will also be buying Poopey and re-branding them as an outlet for STD ridden blow jobs for homeless sailors.

These are much more hygienic:

http://www.qbicwashrooms.co.uk/dyson-airblade-v-hand-dryer-nickel.html?utm_source=google_shopping&gclid=CKLrt9HamsgCFcFuGwod1a0L6Q

I can never get them to work for some reason. Might just be me mind.

Get rid of the annoyingly enthusiastic bald reporter guy - it's England you're supposed to be sarcastic and slightly depressed ffs...

Also cheaper tickets, bigger stadium (do both with safe standing without expanding pretty easily), make bringing a selfie stick a permanent ban offence

Build a bigger stadium that was 45k and with amazing architecture.

Buy the land near water and develop

Buy the gas structures and build snowdome or convention centre/indoor arena

Ban anyone who suggests changing the club badge haha

Statue of MLT

Create an Official Saints Band to play drums and trumpets, and to start chants

Cheerleaders on the pitch welcoming the teams on, in front of the Northam during the game

Get rid of the green away kit

Create feeder clubs in the USA, China, Singapore and Africa

Always reminds me of the old Merry Oak Boys School badge - shudder!

I had one of those on my school blazer. How the hell I got out of there in one piece I'll never know. Managed to get a decent career going despite their attempt to **** up my education [emoji1] though.

1. 60k stadium designed by Peter Zumthor, preferably out of solid stone, whilst re-landscaping the surrounding area

2. Get vending machines for chocolate bars and cans, and replace the sh#tty catering with local street-food stalls inside

3. Remove sponsors from the shirt, it's tacky and gets us bugger all money anyway

4. Get a top fashion house to design our shirts, someone like Balmain or Rick Owen would be wonderful

5. Give the away fans the sh#ttest seats in the stadium, preferably on the second tier in a corner behind some columns

1/ Buy a ton of feeder clubs and rebrand them. Like the idea of the sporting empire e.g. womens' teams, etc so will push that.

2/ Set up academies everywhere, bringing in the best coaches.

3/Increase ticket prices for away fans to £1,000,000,000 per minute* and subsidise home supporters' tickets to £250 fixed being reduced to £50 if one has been bought continously for 30 years and provided no break thereafter.

4/Regenerate Southampton so it doesn't look like poundshopland.

5/ Spray the PO postcode with Febreeze to get rid of the stench.

*double for Liverpool, by a factor of 12, 000, 000 for Spuds.

Tv screens over the urinals showing the game

Issue a free Saints shirt with every season ticket.

Ban the tedious #wemarchon and also any stop all exciting new partnership nonsense.

Bring back free buses to and from ground. and widen that bastrd bridge

At half time read out Saintsweb threads

Each game randomly select few 5 or so seats and give them £50k

4. Shoot anyone who takes a selfie with a bolt action shotgun.

I'd actively encourage people who want to take selfies to do so with a bolt action shotgun.

Lower season ticket prices

Subsidise away ticket prices and take up the full allocation in most cases.

Get proper beer on the concourses

Stop playing music in the stadium, pre-match, half time, after goals. No need.

Buy up and develop the aggregates businesses - decent bars & restaurants.

Some good ideas above but I went for some easy and realistic ones. Well, completely unrealistic considering where modern football is going, but they'd be easy enough to achieve if the club wanted to.

Move away fans to a corner, lower tier only.

Add another tier to the stadium

Children under 10 get in free

Improve the immediate area as per what a few other people have said

Improve catering, there's plenty of people out there who can do it properly so franchise it out and take regular samples to ensure that the standard doesn't drop

Ban lager. (Because real ale is awesome)

1. Widen the bridge over the railway so that leaving 5 minutes early doesn't save you c.1 hour of your evening

2. Genetically modify all football fans so they are as intellectual as rugby fans, thus paving the way for allowing beer to be consumed in one's seat.

3. Distribute 5-10% of all match day tickets free of charge to people in the local community who can't afford to attend (they'll make a socialist out of me yet!)

4. Replace current announcer/entertainment chap with Bobby Davro.

5. Monkey chicken petting zoo

A lot of these have already been suggested, but :-

1. Increase capacity to 45000

2. Reduce ticket prices, plus give season ticket holders a 50% discount if they purchase before the 1st game of the season AND let kids under 12 have free season tickets if accompanied by an adult. Oh... And put money back onto members cards to be spent in the ground or club shop I f they turn up at least an hour before the game.

3. Free transport within the city boundary PLUS free travel to away games - but only if we sell out our full allocation.

4. Hire the best marketing manager and get a top notch (and reasonably ethical) sponsorship

5. Arrange a tie-up with the Brisbane Roar that sees promising youngsters play a season down under

Why members wish to increase the capacity of the stadium when we cannot fill the one we have,is beyond comprehension.

1. Start a radio station

2. Invest in the best catering in the football universe

3. Build myself a lift

4. Buy a new painting for the boardroom

5. Erect a statue of myself out the front

The irony is, of course, that the particular bellend you are parodying didnt actually put a single penny of his own money into the club.

1 reassemble the current lost generation - bale, shaw, schneiderlin, walcott etc etc

2 enlarge the stadium

3 Like the museum idea

4 Reduce ticket proices

5 Win something - even if it meant buying Luis Suarez or similar

Why members wish to increase the capacity of the stadium when we cannot fill the one we have,is beyond comprehension.

This was also an argument when moving from the Dell. We would never get more than 20k

My God, it's dog eat dog out there.

I chuckled

1/. Rebuild the stadium - and create a safe standing singing end. Stewards to eject any one not singing............. this would also involve moving the away fans to a corner.

2/. Have the outside walls of the stadium decorated in murals reflecting history of the city and great players - but nmust include Mike Channon in a prominent position.

3/. Buy a team to win more FA cups than Pompey, to stop them from boasting ever again...............

4/. Display the Markus banner in the singing end before every home game

5/. Make the concourses less like a junk yard and more welcoming - like at Arnhem or Sunderland - they are lovely

1. Subsidise this forum and remove the £5 annual fee

2. Ban Alpine

3. Give Yoshida away

4. Reduce ticket prices/free entry for kids

5. Increase wages for the players and staff

 

The irony is, of course, that the particular bellend you are parodying didnt actually put a single penny of his own money into the club.

That particular "bellend" didn't have to put any money into the club. He was the CEO not the owner. How many CEOs put their own money into the business they are running? Lazy posting Alpine, I am sure you can find other things to slag him off about?